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Trying to be there for others without taking care of yourself is the fastest path towards burnout, resentment and broken relationships.

July 25, 2023


Martyrdom is NOT a virtue.

It’s a gross, unconscious attempt to control.

A subtle desire to manipulate the way in which others perceive us by trying to “be good & nice”.

A shady attempt to bargain love..

Afterall.. if I’m always there for others, they’ll need me, and if they need me they might love me.

“to help” is done for selfish reasons (to boost up our identity of good-doers, or to gain acceptance and appreciation from others)

However, to serve is always done for the other.

Service can only come from a person whose cup is full, everything else often comes with a collection date..

“look how much I’ve done/sacrificed for you..” are the words of someone whose generosity was not a gift but a debt they were waiting to cash in.

For the reward of service is serving itself..

So before you seek to pour from your cup, make sure it’s full and not leaking.

and if it isn’t, your present job lies in taking care of that before you have the capacity to include others.

A drowning person can’t save anyone (and quite often, just ends up pulling others down).

Get yourself together before you try to change the world around you.

Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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