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Nothing bears nastier fruits than seeds planted out of confusion.

Look at your greatest heartbreaks, financial losses, relational frustrations and mental/emotional restlessness.

It’s ALL rooted in a poor choice you made (or a choice you have yet to make)

Most people waste their life, feeling stuck, confused, seeing how the days go by without much changing:.

Cycles of mediocrity, settling down, contempt and later regret are the greatest plague.

But it doesn’t have to be like that,
in fact, life does not work like that.

The laws of nature are clear and consistent.
The rules of life do not waiver.
The stream of the river always points towards the ocean.

Everything in nature knows its place and purpose, it’s just humans who’ve made a mess out of themselves through overthinking.

Paralysis by over analysis they call it!

Imagine, however, waking up and being with the lover you chose 100% (and feel fully committed to)..

Running the business and serving the world in a way that feels deeply right to your heart..
Noticing you know the next best steps you need to take to amp up the volume of prosperity, love and peace that’s present in your life.

Feeling clarity even when there’s chaos all around you 🔥

Especially when there is.

This need not be an ideal..
It’s actually your factory settings!

And fortunately, for thousands of years indigenous shamans and mystic yogis discovered tools and practices to press the reset button so that clarity and confidence may naturally arise.

Flow is an universal law that when broken creates ripples of pain, chaos and illness

To hesitate, procrastinate, second-guess and resist change is to go against the current of life.

To know you are here for a lot more than what you are currently doing and not trusting your gut is to betray your heart.

To feel that a more intimate, passionate and spiritually aligned love story is possible yet to settle one more year for uninspiring, mediocre love is to burry your dreams while still alive.

To know deep in your bones that more vitality, energy and clarity of mind are possible..

That peace and confidence are possible..

That health and exuberance are possible..

Yet to settle for lethargy, caffeine-dependency, medications, drugs and a half-broken system is a sin.

Meaning, it goes against the natural flow of life.

It is to miss the mark.

Most people when feeling stuck resort to their mind to try and sort themselves out..

Forgetting that it’s often their mind the one that got them there to begin with.

Rationalizing too much, hesitating at every turn, making “evidence-based” decisions yet second-guessing every decision they make.

Going through lists of pros & cons, waves of overthinking and inevitable anxiety.

There isn’t a single choice that comes from the mind that is bound to last unless your energies, body and heart are aligned with it.

Sure! you could change your mind in a heartbeat..

And that’s as much as a gift as it is a curse:
Today you want something and feel a fiery resolve to follow that path.

Tomorrow something happens and you’re back to square one, reconsidering what you previously thought you wanted.

Years go to waste in these cycles of intention, action, hesitation and reconsideration.

Yet no smart person, who highly values their time and life, ever allows for cycles of mediocrity to perpetuate over and over and over..

For life’s too brief and you’ll be damned if you waste it playing small!

So what to do?

Fortunately the question of “What do I want?” is not new to the human condition..

And over centuries, different cultures came up with their own approach to creating clarity of direction.

In South American shamanism they work in unison with the natural world to leverage certain herbs, flowers and medicinal plants to cleanse and harmonize a person’s energies (and from there, their mind and body follow)

In the Hindu traditions, they understood how to work with the 5 elements within the body in order to cleanse them, altering in this way the patterns of thought and feeling so that the source of who we are could be touched, and from there, effortless clarity sprouted.

The North American indigenous tribes had their “Vision Quest”, which was a rite of passage through which a person would mature, having received a vision from “The Great Spirit” before an important transition in their life.

And like these there are plenty of paths towards the same destination.

However, you don’t have to walk alone.

I could not have done it without her, at least not soon enough to not regret it.

Our greater challenge is rarely to part with the ugly, unconscious tendencies we have..

It is to let go of the ones we’ve grown to love.

It is to have the humility to acknowledge that there’s A LOT that we don’t know that we don’t know.

A lot of unconscious patterns that rig our romantic, financial and spiritual lives.

A lot of stuff we have never dealt with because we found ways to be entertained, distracted, busy, “productive” and efficient..

Work projects, travels and sex being often at the top of the list..

They make you feel like you’re killing it! Like you’ve made it..

But no matter how great the conquest, there’s a subtle void within..

And a whisper that calls us forth.

Had it not been for plant medicine I would’ve most likely kept running in circles of achievement, addiction, connection and disappointment.

Until I became too old or weary about the meaninglessness of it all..

However; I’m glad I was nudged awake before wasting all that time
pretending to be who I was really not.

Playing games my heart was never really into.

The medicine is there for those who are brave and have the courage to cut the cycles short, move beyond stagnation and transform.

Yet as a good friend says “Every great life has had in it a great renunciation..”

Are you ready to renounce?
👊🏽🔥

I used to hide my fear of trusting and letting go of control under the façade of perfectionism.

Most of my entrepreneurial journey has been an individual one, with brief bursts of external help here and there, but I’ve mainly been a one-man army.

Taking care of all things website development, marketing, video editing, content strategizing, creation and deployment, customer service, accounting, finance management, logistics coordinator, visual media artist, public relations and branding..

And I would go through periods of intense productivity and eventual burnout.. 😅

Then I’d half heartedly hire help that wasn’t qualified, so that my belief of “If I don’t do it myself, it won’t get done well.” Would turn out a reality..

Like in a relationship, when we don’t respect and love ourselves we tend to draw in someone who won’t respect and love us, I would attract people that wouldn’t do a good job, would be irresponsible and that would reinforce my beliefs around working with others..

That was until I started organizing retreats.. suddenly I had to work with another 20 people to ensure that things would go smoothly – from ensuring a truck brings enough wood to the friends that would spend a week chopping it, to the musicians, chef, facilitators, transportation and cleanup crew..

Suddenly I had no choice but to open up and trust..

It was one night during ceremony that in the midst of difficult emotions I looked up and saw the ceiling of the temple (which is a reciprocal structure) where if only one of the supporting beams was missing, the whole thing would come down.. (swipe to see a picture of it).

In that moment I understood our shaman’s design for it: a reminder that we CANNOT do it all alone.

A reminder that alone, the weight will crush us..
But together, it is possible.

That nothing GREAT in the world was ever created by a single person unwilling to involve others..

And that my journey forward was one of leadership, inspiring others, delegating and then trusting.

So I started already by hiring a personal assistant and a travel concierge.
And what a difference it’s made!

I now see that the right people show up only when you’re willing to let them in.

There are 5 states of the mind

– 𝐈𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐭
They are not a problem. Simple minded people often have no trouble. They eat and sleep well and aren’t riddled by too much thought.. Life is basic but enjoyable.


– 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞
90% of the population has an active mind which often means it is scattered. Overthinking, anxiety, confusion and a lot of activity but often without much stillness.


– 𝐎𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠
9% of the world, through self-development and spiritual work, develop enough energy and commitment to pour their minds into a few things.
It goes from being all over the place to being one day this way, the next another. Highly polarized.


– 𝐎𝐧𝐞-𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝
Very few people energize their mind up to this level where focus (and life itself) becomes an effortless, meditative process. There’s no inner tug of war or constant division and jolting of the mind.


– 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬
A rare happening, and often one of enlightenment, when a mind reaches its peak. It let’s go of the “one-pointed focus” to become all-inclusive and all-encompassing. It’s nothing and everything at the same time. It becomes the present moment itself and as such, a source of infinite wisdom, love and beauty.

If your mind gets organized, your emotions will match your thoughts.


If your emotions get organized, your energies will match your emotions.


If your energies get organized, your very body will get organized.

With these four in alignment you become extremely empowered in creating and manifesting that which you want.

Clarity is bringing our mind from Scattered into One-pointedness and eventual Consciousness.

In the yogic tradition this process is achieved by energizing one’s system.

How far and fast you go depends on how much fuel you have and its quality

How much clarity and power depends on how much energy is present in your system.

So how to energize our mind and body to grow past confusion/scattered/inert thinking?

There’s only TWO methods:


-Cleansing
Dealing with the areas where it leaks


-Boosting
Increasing the amount & quality of it

Did you know that the Chinese character for music is the same one for happiness?

And did you know that the one for medicine is the same one for music but with the “plants” character on top?

🤯

For me, music has been a tool of sharpening my discipline, my patience and my priorities..

A medium into which I channel and transmute the excess energy running through my system.

A way of grounding myself in the present moment and reconnecting to a sense of play and freedom.

Music has healed me, given me strength and brought me closer to myself than any prayer or yogic pose..

So it’s become one of my go-to practices of spiritual growth, for when I sing I can clearly see where my heart is at.

The guitar and the voice don’t lie – but neither they judge..
They show you where you’re at, what you need and gently guide you there.

And the Spanish saying goes:
“Quien canta, su mal espanta.”
(He who sings, his evil scares away)

Gratitude for @azulejero@piedemontemusic and @josue_velasquez_giraldo_ for being sources of inspiration and to @herediamusic for being an impeccable teacher.

🙏🏼

So.. what makes a person easy to be loved?

♥️ Profound appreciation paired with low expectations (yet high standards)
♥️ Unshakeable Honesty
♥️ Bigger desire to understand than to be understood
♥️ Stronger commitment to the truth than to being right
♥️ Open & Flexible mind, able to acknowledge errors and correct promptly
♥️ Self-sourced validation, joy and excitement for life
♥️ Relentless effort on Self-care & Inner growth
♥️ Deeper devotion to one’s own spiritual journey than to any relationship
♥️ Proactive, non-violent & truthful communication
♥️ Impeccable sense of personal responsibility

And here’s the caveat:
In life (and in love) you must go first.

You cannot demand from others something that you yourself aren’t willing to offer.

You also cannot control the way others are showing up, but you can refine the way you do – and through your example become a beacon of inspiration and a guiding light.

To become so easy to be loved makes you walk and bloom with a very beautiful fragrance.. 🌷

A scent and energy that draws in the right (and matching) kinds of atmospheres, people and relationships into your life.

Like the bees can’t help to be drawn to the sweetest nectar of flowers, and produce with it the sweetest honey..

People can’t help themselves from relating, lovingly, to those whose fragrance has reached a point of maturity.

Grace, prosperity, passion and adventure ensue.
♥️

They happen when we notice a part within us that we’re scared of feeling and therefore we:⁠

❌Will do our best to repress and suppress it⁠
❌Will find (unsustainable) ways of coping with it⁠

Most of the time we will gravitate from one end to the other – periods of disconnection and distraction followed by periods of over-stimulation.⁠

The numbness is a rejection of all sensation while the addiction is a re-orientation of it in a different direction.⁠

However, the part within you that aches to FEEL will always find expression..⁠

Now the question is:⁠
Is it a conscious or a compulsive one?⁠

But it MUST come out.⁠

The unhealed feminine refers to that part within a person who has not yet learned to navigate their emotional waters.⁠

The integrated feminine flows and surfs with the waves of emotion and sensation..⁠

The unhealed one drowns and struggles with it.⁠

So what to do?⁠

Here’s a couple of quick tips:⁠
🌷1- Recognize that being numb or addicted ARE NOT the issue (they are the solution you’re finding to a deeper pain)⁠

🌷2- Find ways in which you can safely recognize, understand and explore the pain that is underneath the compulsions⁠

🌷3- BE FULLY WITH IT. FEEL IT FULLY. CRY YOUR TEARS.⁠

🌷4- Once you have loved that part of you and heard what it had to say, you can ask him/her if it’s ready to move one⁠

🌷5- Lead yourself into a new environment, habits, situation and resolution⁠

Feel free to share so that more people can be reminded of how to navigate their emotional world in a healthy way.⁠

One of the reasons @tumi.anastasiya inspired me to want to marry her, even though I used to swear against marriage, is this:

– She was a big YES to my leadership.

She celebrated it with joy.

Throughout the years I had met incredible women who -in spite of “having it together”- were not a good match.

My invitations would sometimes be met with hesitation, resistance and overthinking.

Nothing wrong with that; for some people thrive in connecting from a very safe, carefully managed and controlled place..

But I’m not made like this.

I’m like fire, and I see what’s possible with people and call it out right away; often.

In work, friendships and love.

In relationships this has meant a level of intensity beyond what most women are used to, and that’s okay.

With Anastasiya it started effortlessly..

with random adventures in Bali, visiting her in Russia, and inviting her to come for a month to Colombia where we attended our very first plant medicine retreat.

Our first few dates were each in different countries.

Little did we know we’d end up spending covid together and moving into an Ayahuasca community, living in the sacred forests and supporting the construction of their temple.

We’ve often traveled 6+ months of the year; explored new places and gone on deep dives when it comes to our spiritual journey.

From visiting chiefs of indigenous reserves, to attending special consecration ceremonies with Yogi mystics, and exploring play and community in-between.

With her, adventure has felt effortless.

She trusts me and celebrates my leadership.

And when needed, lovingly reminds me when I fall asleep at the wheel.

I married her because there’s symmetry in the depth of devotion we have for each other and the overall vision we have for life.

(Other than this being the last round for me and her saying she’d want one more life together 😂😅)

In love, like in engineering, if there’s no symmetry there’s bound to be friction.

So find someone who’s a big yes to who you are, instead of bitterly settling for someone who merely sees you as a ‘maybe’.

One will fuel the fire that you are,
the other will turn in down.

Choose well.
🙏🏼

You will never think your way out of being stuck, for it is your mind that got you there to begin with..

Feeling stagnant, confused or overwhelmed by lack of clarity is a symptom that you’re in your head.

Indecisiveness is the limbo where all of human potential (and peace of mind) goes to waste.

Not knowing whether to commit fully to that business venture that calls your heart, whether to stay or leave a relationship that may be past its due date, or simply unsure about how to take the next step in your journey of healing..

Those are all nasty places to be in.

I say nasty because being confused means that you don’t move forward and change things with courage, but neither do you learn to love and embrace where you’re at..

Sitting on the fence it’s only bound to hurt your ass..

With that said, most people try to think their way out of their dilemmas.. as if fire could ever put out fire 🤦🏻‍♂️

A deeper, clearer intelligence must be touched if we want to move forward with clarity and confidence.

Ancient yogis and indigenous shamans knew this, that’s why their advice was never in the form of lectures but instead, they’d bathe you with a specific mix of plants..

Have you eat some other..

Make you breathe in another way..

And even rearrange your home in a particular manner..

And you would see that the confusion -once removed from your field- would inevitably be removed out of your mind.

They knew how to work with the body, mind, energies and environment to kick-start certain processes within.. so that clarity would sprout.

Are you ready?

Let’s do this!

Here’s a Selfie🤳

❌No fancy background.
❌No artificial/posed moments.
❌No subtle “wealth/virtue signalling”
❌No “on brand” context.
❌No filters.

Just a reminder of a morning I woke up feeling joyful and handsome 🙂 (AND my grandma agreed.)

So that’s it!

Celebrating life as it is, past filters, expectations, demands and inner/outer pressures.

And an invitation (and permission slip) for you to feel free to celebrate YOU being you.

Free from comparisons and judgements.

Fully unique and perfect as the unfolding life that you are.

🙏🏼

I used to have this distorted idea of love.

I thought it was a rare happening that you experienced with very few, select romantic partners throughout your life.

I also thought it was something the other had to earn.

The words “I love you” were deeply feared, for they established vulnerability.

They meant I had dropped my guard enough to allow the other inside my heart..

So I kept them hidden and locked in a box, and would never speak them in a relationship unless the other had done so first.

An unconscious game of trying to keep the emotional upper-hand and always trying to give just a little less than the other, to keep my heart safe.

I felt Love was a burden, enslaving, consuming and pain inducing.

Yet in recent years I discovered that the only pain and burden lied in trying to keep it locked in.

For love is a state of being that does not need anything or anyone for it to arise within us.

I saw that love is a way of being; and being in love means that’s where you reside.

So to say “I love you” had everything to do with me, and often little to do with the other.

So I chose to be in love and to voice it often..

To men, women, elder, children, family, lovers and friends alike.

“I love you” has become a part of my daily vocabulary, even in the face of awkward, surprised, love-constipated friends and strangers..

I giggle when I see them pull back just a little, shorten their breath and tense up- for they still think that love comes with expectations and a collection date..

And as I utter these words more and more, from my heart, I find them inevitably coming back from all places.

This is the year where I’ve heard “I love you” the most times, from both men and women.

People I meet tell me that.
People I’ve known tell me that.
Even nature, as I walk, tells me that.

Who would’ve thought?

That to be in love would be such a contagious choice..

And to live in love and with an open heart, such a rewarding adventure.

So..
I love you!

I really do.

I hope you find within yourself the courage to love -and verbally express it- too!

♥️

This reflection destroyed the way I was starting to see/use social media..

Here’s why:

This is Sarnath 🛕 Where Gautama, the Buddha gave his first sermon to 5 people..

Imagine that..

An enlightened being and only 5 people gathered to listen.

What a humbling reminder that it’s not the size of the crowd but the depth and piercing truth of one’s message which matters..

Most of us feel somewhat inadequate if only 5 people were to like one of our posts..

Or if we only had 5 followers?

Crazy isn’t it? how entitled we’ve become to volumes of external attention and the desire for large scale validation.

Being in this sacred site I was reminded of the importance to tend to my people.

To serve you, and whoever is within arm’s reach, for this is a privilege..

To not distract or delude myself with an eager desire for touching the masses, scaling my business and expanding my message..

If it’s to happen, it will be the way Buddha did it..

Giving it his all, regardless of numbers.

Fully involved with life and service.

This is my commitment:
To honour the privilege and gift of your attention by sharing all I have, all I know and ultimately ALL I AM.

🤍🙏🏼🤍

“Look how alpha and masculine I am!” ⚔️

– Said no Man ever.

For a lion does not have to roar.

Nor the sun feels the need to remind the earth of his nourishing light and warmth..

Only a little star, insecure about his light, would ever feel the need to put on a show.

🙂

I have seen as the years come and go that the “men” (boys) fixated on being alpha, being confident, being warriors, hustlers and so on..

Are actually the ones furthest away from a real sense of masculinity.

Like money, sex and air…

You only talk about them when they’re missing.

Otherwise they’re just there:
a natural part of the process of life.

And so is masculinity.

Real masculinity.

Not merely big muscles, meat eating and pretending to be tough.

Nothing wrong with those
Nothing right either.
Just a circus.

Fitting for the clowns.

So if you’re a ‘man’ reading this and you feel called out, GOOD!

Why is your sense of masculinity derived from how people perceive you?

And if you’re a woman, be attentive to the kind of ‘men’ you invite into your life.

Is their attention set in how they look, how they’re perceived, who they are, how much they make and so on?

Or is their energy placed on others, how they can be of service, what needs to be done, who needs protection, provision and support?

Noticing this will save you from dating boys who have yet to grow up..

And will lead you side by side into the kingdom of men.

Men who just are.

Men.

🙏🏼🔥

After 3 months away I’m finally coming back “home” (Toronto)🏡

I say “home” because the word itself comes from the latin ‘focus’ (fogo/fuego) which means fire 🔥.

Fire is the root of the concept of home because it was the elements around which cooking and gathering happened in the community.

So home is a place where the fire is.

A place where there’s warmth, light, connection, safety and nourishment (for the body and soul)

And it’s a strange thing..

Because in my 20’s I traveled the world chasing an elusive sense of belonging, meaning and peace.. never quite settling or settled in any place.

So the last years became a journey inwards, removing the layers that were dimming my own fire.

And now, even though my travel schedule may have become more hectic than before, there’s no chasing.

For I have come home to myself.
Warm by my own fire,
Alive, at ease, peace and bliss.

A fire I am now able to share wherever I go.
🙏🏼

With that said, Toronto is the place where I keep my ‘things’.

It’s where my temple is, where I ground and work, expand, implement, reflect and share.

It is a well of energy, ideas and effortless execution.

The space I live in has been consecrated through a variety of south american shamanic practises, herbs and tools, as well as ancestral yogic processes.

The energy is palpable to those that are open.

Quite hard to miss actually.

Yet I realize I’ve been rather protective of it so far..

Yet the fire isn’t a little fragile flame anymore.

So it is time to let go of the walls.

I feel it’s time to open the door and start inviting people to come into it.
To share a cup of tea, a meal or a word.

To work, meditate, do yoga or chat about life.

To create an inclusive atmosphere where others may benefit from their batteries being recharged, in the same way I do every time I come back home.

I now feel inspired to nurture community and connection.

To share and cocreate with those who feel aligned with supporting the evolution / transformation of Toronto from a surface-level city to an abode of depth.

Who’s with me? 🍁💥🙋🏻‍♂️

The word “Family” comes from the latin ‘famulus’ which means both servant / slave

And the only difference between a servant and a slave is choice

A servant is a chosen, honourable role of caring for something/someone of importance

A slave is -in simplified terms- the imposition of servitude: forcing someone to care for something/someone

One is fuelled by devotion, the other by oppression

In most family environments control and obligation are the foundations

Partners have a tendency towards controlling their ‘loved’ one

The husband ,unable to draw clear boundaries and make conscious, assertive choices, ends up serving his wife out of habit and fear of upsetting her. Rarely out of love and devotion

The wife, scared of being on her own/being her own person, ends up serving his husband and children out of attachment and fear of abandonment. Rarely out of sacred surrender and love

The dysfunction inside a family starts the moment that service is expected (and forcefully demanded) instead of inspired & celebrated

The moment you become entitled to your lover’s attention, time and energy – just because they’re your lover – you are staining the beauty of their service to you

You’re making a slave out of them, leaving them without choice but to please you. (even if it displeases them)

And unless they’re into that sort of master/slave roleplay, it won’t go well 😂

Their “love” will be blurred by resentment and their “good behaviour” will be nothing short of coward obedience

Fragrant flowers have no need to force bees to help them pollinate and turn their nectar into the sweetest honey..

If you tend to your mental, emotional and energetic structure in a certain way, the very fragrance of your essence will make it close to impossible to those around you to not want to bask in that sweetness

And while there are many methods and practices to cultivate yourself to such a place, here’s the foundational ‘secret’:

For others to fall deeply in love with you, you must fall deeply in love with them first

You cannot expect for someone to give you their best, when you’re handing out breadcrumbs.

If you want to receive with open arms you must first uncross them
🔥

I used to think that I was too much.. 😰

That playing small was an act of compassion towards those whose ideas of me would be confronted if I dared to be true..

If I dared to be Great.

I used to pretend to not have money, to keep a low profile and act as if I just had “enough” so that people around me -who had mistaken poverty and lack for virtue- would not feel out of place..

and at times, I also bought into their illusion of guilt and shame over my ability to create wealth..

What a crazy idea!.. to believe that life is a zero sum game.

For you to take space nobody else has to be pushed into a corner. The world is far too big and abundant for all of us to fit.

I used to dim my light so that the darkness in others would not feel confronted by the contrast itself..

I used to think that humility meant to downplay who I was and pretend to be just like any other guy..

Not knowing that to ignore the gifts and blessings that Life had given me was itself the greatest act of arrogance.

So today, I’d rather bow in humility towards the source of creation and be seen as arrogant among men than to live a life of constipated love, abundance and service.

Too much?

“Too much” is merely a judgement casted by those who don’t feel they are enough..

Those who would much rather convince you that you need to suffocate your own life than remove their hands off their own neck.

And whether it is Love, Wealth or Health..

The world has never EVER benefited from anyone keeping their riches to themselves.

So I want to publicly say that I am sorry..
For there’s SO MUCH life has given me..
and so little I have truly shared.

Until now.

I now see that playing & being small is but an insult to the grandiosity of the creation & creator that flows through us.

I will no longer hold back what I’m here to share..

Nor the passion, prosperity and peace I experience when I share it fully.

This is my promise.

This is my service.

The time is now.

Stay tuned 🙏🏽🌱☀️

“How can I be a better husband?” I asked my wife yesterday.

In the last two weeks she’s been extremely supportive of the work I’m doing and has taken the full load of our responsibilities at home.

She’s been doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing, folding, watering the plants and grocery shopping.

As I wrapped up a meeting and made my way to the dining table to a delicious quinoa & brown rice pasta with homemade chickpea sauce and balsamic avocado, tomato and arugula salad..

and two strong feelings dawned on me.

First I felt so grateful for the generosity with which she nourishes us and ensures that our house feels like a Home.

I felt indebted.. which in my books is a great thing. (It’s a feeling of appreciation and gratitude so big that it propels you into loving action.)

However, beyond this feeling of appreciation I also noticed something..

She’d spent the last few days with a ponytail, in sweatpants and a tie-dye t-shirt I made for her a couple of years ago at a festival. (with what was supposed to look like a heart and ended up looking like a lightbulb.)

I asked her if she loved her outfit and she giggled and said “Of course not.. but it is what it is.”

My question was not about the outfit.

It was implied that we were talking about the ‘housewife’ archetype she’d been playing.

Like most women, she does what she does with so much love.. yet sometimes at her own expense.

And I see that part of my role as her man is to keep an eye out for this and protect her from her own self-neglect.

I recalled a very painful breakup a long time ago.

The biggest pain was not in us parting ways…

It was in feeling that I had not given her the love she deserved.

I felt I had taken her for granted and treated her like she’d always be there no matter what – and life handed me a lesson soon after.

Back then I promised myself to never again take my woman for granted so I would never have any regrets when things ended.

So back to my wife..

I asked her how I could be a better husband and she jokingly replied “More massages!”

If she could she’d hire someone full-time just to massage her through the day..

That’s her thing.

I often laugh it off and ask for something else as we have different bed-times, I’m busy, I don’t really know how to do it well, my body is sore from yoga, it’s inconvenient and (excuse, excuse, excuse).

Often when she asks for a massage I aikido my way around it.

Because being generous with our partner is rarely convenient.

The self-centred part of us would often have us prioritize our needs, desires and preferences over those of others.. even if we say we love them.

This all flashed in an instant and I decided I’d BE a loving and generous partner.

“I will give you one tonight, one hour before your bedtime.”- I replied.

She was surprised.

Fast forward a few hours and I had put a dozen candles around the bed, added a dimmed, orange-red LED light under the bed and a massage playlist I received from a former professional Gigolo. (which would not have been my personal choice of music at all but she absolutely LOVED!)

It took me about 10 minutes total to set everything up.

When I opened the door to the room she was overwhelmed with joy by the ambiance and thoughtfulness of the space, the music, the scents and the moment.

Her reaction was priceless.

I saw the eyes of a woman that was just reminded that she matters..

She was reminded that she’s worthy of being taken care of too.

Worthy of being celebrated and cared for..

Not because she earned it or exchanged it for “house-chores-currency.”

No.

But because she is loved.

Because she is LOVE.

I said “I love everything you do for us.. and I want you to remember that you never have to play ‘housewife’ if you don’t want to. You feeling like a woman is what matters most to me. I love you.”

She teared up.

Me too.

I thought the massage would be a gesture of love and generosity for her yet there I was, basking in a deep feeling of love and generosity.

I was extra kind with my body and mind that evening by not working until late, by slowing down to the pace of the playlist, by coming back to the sensations in my hands and letting the head talk mellow out…

We often think we’re the givers when it is the ‘giving’ itself the biggest way in which we receive.

Yesterday I was reminded that it takes SO LITTLE to do so much for our partner.

And that such little effort can recharge our beloved’s heart’s batteries for weeks..

It is these moments of slowing down to Be in love the very moments that make the daily chores, responsibilities and mundane, grey-coloured, repetitive tasks a worthy and meaningful process.

Women do not mind caring for a home..

Men do not mind providing and protecting their home..

As long as the context of such service is one of love, never expectation, demand or entitlement.

When love is present, we’d give our life away for one another..

But take love for granted and we become stingy.

Accountants of love.

Counting pennies and withholding everything we’ve got..

Holding our generosity hostage, waiting for the other to go first.

But they never do because they’re on their corner counting their own pennies as they wait for us to do the same.

It takes so little to plant a seed of generosity and it goes such a long way!

And I don’t mean it only in romantic relationships.

Today when I sat down to work she brought me a glass of warm water, lit up my office’s altar candle and another one next to my laptop, prepared some incense and placed it next to me.

She never does this yet she knows that this is meaningful to me.

I felt so full, my cup was overflowing..

The superintendent came later to fix a drain issue in our shower and as he was about to go out he commented on a couple of paintings that were hanging on the wall.

Paintings I did about 10 years ago (when I used to sell artwork online and host art exhibitions.)

“Wow! I love these! If you ever make something similar I’d love to have one!” He said half jokingly..

“Wait a second..” I replied as I made my way to the meditation room where I remembered that I still had limited edition, high-quality signed prints of the very artworks he’d seen in the living room.

I gave him 5 of those and told him to keep the ones he likes and gift the rest.

I’m sure that -in his own way- his own cup will overflow later and find a generous expression with someone else, through his own talents and gifts.

Now this post isn’t about massages, candles or incense.

It’s about choosing to BE humans who go first and ignite love as a choice..

Not as a conditional transaction.

It is about planting the seeds of that which we want to see in the world.

If you have a partner I invite you to go to them later today and have a generous gesture.

If you don’t know what they’d love, just ask them.

If you don’t have a partner, have the gesture with a friend or a stranger..

& watch Love multiply as miracles unfold.
💙

Today I sang to the skies, out of tune -perhaps- but full of love. ☀️

Playing, dancing, moving.
A little clumsy at times
But unwavering at heart.

Basking in the bliss produced
Not by notes well sang
Nor chords well struck
But by the love behind them.

A Love I arrived to
By learning to embrace
the mistakes I make
With a smile on my face.

Forgiving
myself for erring
For it’s human.
And others on their errors,
Since they too are.

Today I sang out of a balcony
As the birds danced
and played in the sky..
The golden sunset rays
seeping through the city line.

Harmony and chaos collided in one song
Wrapped and packaged
As a present.
THE present.

A reminder that bliss is what comes
When apprehension towards pain
Or addiction to chase joy
fade.

Knowing that when playing
an eternal game,
You can always start over.

But why not now?
Why not here?

Today I sang to the skies, out of tune and full of life.
For I got out of my own way, once again,
And remembered who,
And what
I truly am.

♥️

In a world that is always telling you you must be doing something…

…(and it’s never quite enough) what needs to be addressed is the rejection of stillness, silence and the present itself.Because, if this moment cannot be enough on its own, how is the next one supposed to be?

We’re bound to live in a hamster-wheel always chasing the next high and die incomplete, not having moved an inch forward..

that’s unless we face that which we’re always anxiously running away from:
THE NOW.

Tribes across the world had their own version of a Vision Quest, which was an ancient rite of passage where young boys were casted out into nature by themselves without water or food.

They were meant to make a circle with stones and twigs which becomes their “medicine circle” and stay there for the whole time, asking for a vision.

Or in other words, asking for clarity around who they were and what they were here to do.

And they would come back to the tribe having become Men or not come back at all.

Men of clear purpose, direction and certainty about the essence of who they were.

Two years ago I run two groups of 30-40 people and the results in both occasions were impressive.

For some, it was way deeper than any coaching, self-development or medicine journey they had embarked on..

For some other, it was a meaningful first step towards developing a better relationship with themselves.

For how are you supposed to love someone you don’t trust?

And how can you trust someone you don’t know?..

And how to know someone you’ve rarely spent any time with?..

This is the issue for most people behind self-love (and behind clarity of direction)

They are distant from their truth and they keep postponing making time to sit with themselves and see what they find.

But the moment that you create a guided, safe space to go into silence and stillness, a door opens and magic ensues.