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One of the biggest challenges towards transformation is the expectation of fireworks when it happens.

July 30, 2023


Let me explain.

From a young age we learn that every big and meaningful step we take is defined by a “big celebration” or an important date.

When we graduate from a school year, there is a time where we get our grades and our invitation to advance in that system and at the end of it, a big diploma and a celebration.

When we get married, we celebrate our commitment to our loved one on that special date surrounded by family and friends.

When we get our first job, our first raise, our first dog, our first kid, our first house – in every situation there are defined dates, rituals and practices that demark a before and after.

Nothing wrong with that!

The issue comes when in our personal transformation, we expect that same thing.

Most people who are proactive about their inner work get caught up in the chase towards “THE cathartic release” – that big moment where a wave of emotions will come out unexpectedly and wash away all your insecurities, your pain and your grief.

In fact, we often judge the power of a teacher or a practice by the intensity of it – meaning that if it makes us cry, shake or feel very intense emotions, then it must be the real deal!

And the problem is that this is a human conditioning, not a spiritual one.

Energetically we only have life and death as “THE” big days.

And even then, they are only big and important to our human eyes.

For us they define a beginning and end. (while in reality, there is just energy transforming and shifting)

But let me ask you this: Have you ever seen mother nature shift seasons abruptly?

It is never boiling hot and humid one day and freezing, dry and snowing the exact next day.

There are gradual shifts. Always!

Even a caterpillar turning into a butterfly does not do it in one single day or event.

It is in fact every day that it spends in its cocoon, pushing against it with its wings, the exact same process that is making them strong enough to be able to fly.

But we only see the burst out of it.

We only see a radical change and assume that it must be the same for us.

But nature only has abrupt changes when out of balance. (as we are experiencing right now)

True (and long lasting) transformation is gradual.

Sometimes barely noticeable.

This applies to both positive and negative transformations.

It is NEVER a single event that shifts someone for the better (or for the worse).

It is always a series of events over time, with a tipping point that pushes the person over the edge.

However, to become addicted and endlessly pursue these experiences accompanied by fireworks is not only tiresome but unnecessary.. It sets you up for dissapointment.

Nature does not intend for us to have to go through calamity and massive pain just so we can grow.

External pushes and abrupt changes happen as a result of our inability to evolve by our own will and movement.

But the way of consciousness/ God/ The Universe is through balance.


Mindful, present awareness.

It is NOT through the extremes.

In fact, the best methods and teachers are those who remind you of (and place emphasis) on the essential practices to be explored daily.

It is through these small, gradual shifts that you will inevitable reach a tipping point.

However, to chase the tipping point will have you attached to intensity and confuse it for growth.

To chase the strong releases will have you dismiss and disregard the importance of the daily practices.

Years ago working as a relationship coach I noticed the exact same pattern:

The guys who were expecting each workshop to be THE one experience to change them and improve their dating life, often kept waiting, and kept taking course after course, chasing different teachers, instructors and programs.

Those who acknowledged that change was a gradual process, and were focused on the 1% improvements, were the students that took what they learned and we rarely saw them again

Because they went off to live good, full, exciting lives..

Their 1% compounded.

They reached their tipping points very quickly by focusing on the gradual, small shifts.

So whether you are expecting for Jesus to come down from heaven and blast you with light and rescue you, or whether you believe that jumping and high-fiving for hours at a workshop will change your life, please remember that according to the story even the world took 7 days for God to create.

ANY promises of immediate transformation with disregard for the need towards daily practice and integration, are a smart way for some people to capitalize on your impatient needs and eagerness.

Don’t get me wrong, a decision and a solid commitment to a shift of direction takes a split second. However, dealing with the inertia of old habits, conditioning and neural pathways requires patience.

By all means keep transformation as the goal but choose presence and patience as your go-to tools.

For the change of seasons always arrives, slowly but surely, but never faster than one day at a time!

Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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