Disagreements that were never repaired fully.
Emotions and arguments that never felt quite complete and therefore breaks of trust that never fully healed.
And from there the unconscious desire to punish each other (through drama, distance, absent desire and constant bickering.)
Here’s where it gets challenging:
It need not have been a disagreement with that exact person.
For you carry in your heart the pain of all the past closures and emotions you avoided – and you’re bound to project it all over everyone you meet.
And no amount of “trying to connect”, be positive, work on polarity, or communicate well will solve anything until the core of the dysfunctions are dealt with.
Until you two come clean, every single attempt to connect will sink you lower and lower.
You will reach a point where you don’t know what else to do to feel heard, understood, seen and desired.
Let me give you a quick example.
Imagine you and I met in person:
And right before our meeting a mutual friend you trust told you:
“Nicolas shared with me that he thinks you’re annoying, weak and a pain in the ass to deal with..”
Yet I showed up to the meeting with a smile..
Being respectful of your boundaries..
Trying to be present and caring..
Curious and compassionate..
All of that would smell funny to you.
My attempts to connect would feel like icing on a pile of :
Well intended but useless..
Because you would feel that underneath all my attempts, I judge you.
So in a way, the harder I try, the deeper the ship sinks.
Until I come clean.
(or you do, about what you know).
This is the core story behind most relational dysfunctions:
There’s a core wound that remains unsolved.
And people try to go at it through couple’s therapy, polarity programs, spiritual practices and so on with zero results.
Because as long as the roots of what separates you remain, the pain will grow back.
So.. if this feels familiar you should be on this weekends’ workshop.
Don’t spend another year dreading your relationship or feeling like you need to coach your partner into communicating well, opening up, being vulnerable and proactive about relating consciously..
And deal with the root of things for once and for all.
Comment “Interested” and I will forward you all the details.