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Your relationship is either your greatest pillar of support or the rotten foundation where it is all bound to crumble.

September 16, 2023

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How to know if you are in a conscious relationship that nourishes your mission and ability to serve.. or whether you’ve been consumed by codependency, attachment and destructive tendencies?

Here’s 5 pointers:

Your nervous system is overburdened. You sleep poorly, you move through the day in fight or flight, reacting to the world around you and the restlessness traces back to a specific relational issue (you know what it is).

– Your conversations lately are all about your partner and what they are/aren’t doing, complaints, grief, judgements and venting all that has been piling up inside of you and the relationship.

– What he/she is doing becomes an obsessive source of joy or pain, you’re highly dependant on their attention to feel at ease and highly volatile and emotional when you’re not getting it (or insecure about them and others)

– You constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells and there are topics and conversations you are afraid of or cannot have with your partner because of the reaction you anticipate they’ll have.

– You feel apathy, resentment and emotional/sexual numbness, if you’re in a family you start exploring the narrative of “it’s all for the kids” or “This is just the way it’s supposed to be.” to soothe yourself and solve the cognitive dissonance of being in a relationship that does not feel right.

If you nodded to at least 2 of the above, you MUST revisit your current relationship and do something about it!

For a fragile foundation is bound to destroy all you deem important:

Your health

Your heart

Your purpose

Your family

& your relationship to Self.

Unhealthy relating accentuates the “otherness” that creates confusion and division – which often lead to coping in unsustainable ways. (drinking, substances, shopping, overworking, etc.)

A conscious relationship is a sacred space where you are able to find refuge and comfort from the external storms that life throws at you.

It is the space where you can relax and “just be!”, putting aside your mind and allowing for the peace of a loving home to wash away all the excess nonsense you’ve accumulated ‘out there’.

It is where your mission on earth gets reassured and your energy refuelled so that you can go back out and lead and kick some ass – because of it, not in spite of.

It is therefore important that you recognize what needs to be addressed and deal with it before it becomes a silent infection that spreads underneath and finds eventual expression. (and then, it’s often irreversible and hard lines are crossed)

When your relationship container is ‘leaking’ you cannot be a good leader since your mental and emotional bandwidth become saturated with the stress at home, leaving you ineffective to think clearly and act confidently.

Suddenly, your vision takes a second place in the list of your priorities and tending to the conflict becomes the most pressing issue…

And rightly so,

for it only takes a rotten potatoe to spoil the whole sack.

And empires have always crumbled from within.

Do not let that happen to you.

Deal with things and deal with them promptly.

Your life and that of those you serve depends on it.

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Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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