What a world of a difference in the way women are treated in Russia vs United States..
I arrived a few days ago to Moscow to spend time with my wife and meet her family and I’ve already noticed a huge contrast in the men / women dynamics.
For example, we went to a Banya (a sort of spa with traditional saunas) where you’re handed a bracelet where everything you order is added to a tab you pay for at the end of your stay.
He said “I can wait for your man to be back and we’ll charge his.”
She insisted. (we share accounts so it doesn’t matter whose account we pay anything from anyway.)
The waiter was shocked..
He couldn’t compute that a woman would pay for herself when in the company of a man..
Women are taken care of by men here.
If men and women hang out, men always pay.
Even if they’re only friends, that’s the norm.
And here’s the thing..
You see A LOT more beautiful women walking down the streets than you would in North America.
And I don’t speak of good looks but of beauty as in radiance and femininity.
To quote my friend Zan Perrion:
“There’s a difference between hot women and beautiful women. Hot women are everywhere; they abound. They are beautified, not beautiful.
Beautiful women, on the other hand, are rare and a real mystery. Hotness speaks to our impulses. Beauty speaks to our imagination.”
In most western countries there’s a fixation with being hot at the expense of beauty.
My assumption is that in cultures where women are -to some degree- more cared for by the masculine, they are more likely to soften up and embrace their feminine essence..
That’s my observation being born and raised in Colombia and having travelled to 30+ countries.
Eastern European women & latin women were often more radiant than those of more “modern” and politically correct countries.
Sure, these countries have a long way to go in terms of equality and fairness.. yet it’s important to separate the quest towards equality from one towards sameness.
Men and women are NOT the same.
And that’s beautiful..
I’ve noticed a lot of joy in men’s faces as they care for their beloved here..
A lot of softness and beauty in women’s as they get to express their natural radiance..
A more harmonious dynamic of relating, which finds expression on simple things like.. who is in charge of paying for a date.
The western man is often looking for a 50/50 roommate.. and so is the western woman.
They call this progress and empowerment..
until 3 years into their marriage when they reach out to me via DM’s wondering why their relationship feels so stale, full of bitterness and void of passion..
At that point there’s a lot of conditioning to undo.
And don’t get me wrong.. things are far from perfect here.
There’s a shadow to this which shows up as a sense of entitlement.
Women who feel men owe them just because they’re pretty..
Women who -after having done their makeup and worn their dress and heels- feel they’ve done their part in contributing to the relationship.
Men who crumble at the weight of cultural expectation, trained to people please and be there for others at their own expense – too afraid to call women out on their nonsense or to be seen as “bad”..
Men who objectify women and see them as mere trophies to parade around, jewels that they’ve paid for and are therefore indebted to them in some ways..
Unconscious dynamics plague human relationships.. Here, in Canada or in China.
But that’s a topic for another post..
All I want to say is this:
Women shine when they feel taken care of by men,
and so do men when they get to care for women.
And it shows..
In our role towards “fairness” and equality in the west we’ve lost a sense of alignment with our nature..
As time goes by the lines get blurrier with people not knowing who they are, who’s a man, who’s a woman, and what roles each get to play to ensure a beautiful, passionate, life-affirming relationship.
We care for mother nature not because she’s fragile, but because we desire to nourish and maintain her beauty.
Perhaps if we cared for our women more,beauty would have an easier time flourishing in our relationships.
PS: What are your experiences (not opinions) with men/women from different cultures ?