The secret to a beautiful relationship is NOT good communication, healthy boundaries or anxiously appeasing another’s love language & needs.
In fact, most of these are often forms of begging for peace, love and connection.
Only because you carry shame you take what others say personally..
You draw boundaries and coach them into what they should do and not do, what words they should use and which to avoid, and so on..
Your whole predicament is that someone’s actions are the root of your suffering and that’s just erroneous.
Useful- at times- but essentially erroneous.
You suffer because there’s a void within you.
You pull close to you the same kind of people over and over because there’s closure and fear of healthy love within you..
You drag the same ugly patterns out of your partner, day after day, because there are karmic locks within you.
Unresolved energies in your heart that you seek to cover up by kindly telling the other what you like, what you dislike, how to talk, how not to talk, and what’s allowed and what is not in your relationship.
You do this because you don’t trust that their own love and devotion would have them relate in a healthy way of their own accord.
And you’re probably right, most likely they wouldn’t..
And THAT makes you anxious..
To consider you may have chosen a partner (or have a tendency to choose partners) who just don’t (& won’t) see you.
Who don’t meet you.
And they never will,
unless you do so first.
You can be a partner that embodies healthy connection and receives that out of her/his lovers’ own efforts…
Or you can be miserable the rest of your life, endlessly negotiating and begging for them to treat you in the way you “deserve”..
Coaching them, trying to fix them and demanding they respect you – which on its own is an expression of absent self-respect.
A person that has embodied their own boundaries and relational desires, exudes a certain fragrance.
A fragrance that subtly tells others:
“I’m not to be f*cked around with.”
and “THIS (lovingly, proactively, devotedly) is how I will be treated.”
And they move through life without obsessing much about communication, drawing boundaries and continuous arguments..
For they’re just not a match – at any level – to that kind of nonsense.
A beautiful relationship is rooted in the respect and wholeness you embody, not the one you forcefully demand.
So before you go out to try and attempt to cover the whole world in soft leather for your bare feet not to hurt..
Consider making your own shoes.
Only then you may walk through anything..
Without fear nor anxiety..
For the quality of your relationships will be a reflection of where YOU stand, and what you stand for..
And no longer bound by what someone else does or fails to do.
Only then you’ll be FREE.
And freedom, my friend, is a prerequisite of love.
Sacred love, that is.