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Self-referential thinking is the mother of most human problems..

October 5, 2023


You only think about your ears when they ring or hurt, your knees when there’s pain and money when it’s lacking.

In the same way, how often you think about yourself mirrors directly how sick you are.

Whether you’re thinking “I am horrible, awful, insecure and unlovable.” or “I am the greatest, most beautiful and glorious human.”

Your mind is equally sick

For where’s the need to obsess about who you are if you are involved with life?

I have yet to meet someone who, truly in love and engaged with their life, spent much time thinking about themselves..

Yet every single person I’ve met that lives in some form of chaos spends a lot of their time in their head.

AND this is not a post advocating for people to be martyrs: ready to sacrifice themselves, their needs and their truth in order to please everyone else.

Not at all!

The narcissistic and the people-pleasing martyr are two sides of the same coin (hence why they often date each other.)

They’re obsessed with how they are perceived by others..

One seeks to feel good enough, worthy enough, through power, control and self-glorification.

The other one seeks the same through covert-manipulation, masking insecurity and fear of abandonment as kindness and virtue.

Every person has a degree of narcissistic and martyr tendencies within them, and their root is the same:

Self-referential thinking.

“What about me?!” is the mother of all Karma in the hindu traditions.

You can be either LIFE conscious or self conscious.

Both cannot coexist.

One leads to harmony, beauty and spiritual awareness..

The other to anxiety, insecurity and disease.

So, my friend, how often do you think about yourself?

Next time you catch that train of thought, here’s a tip:

Pay attention to the life process.

Your breath, heartbeat or nature itself.

And see most of what you consider a problem fade away effortlessly..

This is the true meaning of confidence:

To be so connected to life that you have no time to come up with stupid ideas about yourself.

Only then will you act,

free from fear.

Only then will you live,


Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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