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Non-violent communication serves as training wheels in relationships but should NEVER be a goal on itself..

August 17, 2023


Because -at its core- it’s based on the illusion that words can hurt you.

They cannot..

What hurts you is the meaning you give them, together with your personal triggers, fears and projections.

So if you are striving towards conscious relationships your deeper goal is that of freeing yourself from being emotionally enslaved to everything your partner does and says..

And in the process freeing him/her from carrying the burden and responsibility from your inner world.

What happens within you is 100% up to you..

Healthy communication creates a supportive external atmosphere for a person’s inner landscape to be pleasant..

But if every time the other says something (outside of the rigid structure of what is deemed “right” or appropriate) your mind and heart take a toll and have a hard time with the emotional overwhelm..

Then all this communication style is doing is making you comfortable, soothing and fixing the world around you so you don’t have to own and deal with the one within you.

So by all means communicate in a kind and assertive manner..

But aim to be free from the forms, shapes and mindfulness with which others communicate (or fail to)

It is that freedom which you ultimate seek,

and not an illusory shelter from imaginary violence.