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Most people confuse nagging, complaining and forcefully requesting something from their partner as “drawing a boundary and being authentic.”⁠

October 20, 2023

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If you’ve done this, even if your partner agrees, you alienate them a little. ⁠

⁠Boundaries, above all, are inclusive and foster connection and deeper understanding of one another.⁠

⁠If your boundaries don’t feel like that, you’re raising barb-wired walls, not boundaries.⁠

⁠And you can only raise enough walls before you isolate and starve yourself off from the outer world.⁠

⁠An embodied boundary is the level of self-respect with which someone walks through life…⁠

⁠Back in high-school there were kids that got picked on a lot.⁠

⁠Everybody bullied them.⁠

⁠On the other hand, there were kids you would not mess with..⁠

⁠And it had nothing to do with their size or them being scary or aggressive. ⁠

⁠In yoga there’s something called “Vasanas” which is the tendencies that you carry within you and the ‘scent’ these have.⁠

A scent that pulls towards you a matching scent on another.

Bully / Victim.

Narcissist / Codependent.

Avoidant / Anxious.

Numb / Explosive..

And the list goes on..

⁠You draw from your environment the kind of traits and behaviours that support your internal narrative.

There’s a story within you that is seeking resolution and it will ensure it finds actors to play their part.

⁠Low self-worth women attract narcissistic guys. ⁠

⁠shame & guilt-ridden men often attract unappreciative, mothering women.⁠

⁠If you have to fight the world to respect your limits, it’s a little too late. ⁠

⁠It’s like the poop fighting off the flies, not paying attention that perhaps they’re coming because it smells so bad..

⁠So when it comes to establishing boundaries, always look within and ask yourself:⁠

What do I get from not having a boundary in this situation / with this person?⁠

⁠And be honest.⁠

⁠You are getting something out of it and until you sort that out, you’ll keep attracting the same kind of nonsense towards you..

No matter how hard you yell. ⁠

How “self-empowered” you assume you are (just because you got angry.)

Or how many “lines” you draw..

⁠Flies will keep circling 💩 until it no longer smells like it.⁠

⁠Crude?⁠

⁠Perhaps..⁠

⁠But I hope you come to my page for truth,

not for solace.⁠

⁠Love you,⁠

⁠Nico