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Most people confuse nagging, complaining and forcefully requesting something from their partner as “drawing a boundary and being authentic.”⁠

October 20, 2023


If you’ve done this, even if your partner agrees, you alienate them a little. ⁠

⁠Boundaries, above all, are inclusive and foster connection and deeper understanding of one another.⁠

⁠If your boundaries don’t feel like that, you’re raising barb-wired walls, not boundaries.⁠

⁠And you can only raise enough walls before you isolate and starve yourself off from the outer world.⁠

⁠An embodied boundary is the level of self-respect with which someone walks through life…⁠

⁠Back in high-school there were kids that got picked on a lot.⁠

⁠Everybody bullied them.⁠

⁠On the other hand, there were kids you would not mess with..⁠

⁠And it had nothing to do with their size or them being scary or aggressive. ⁠

⁠In yoga there’s something called “Vasanas” which is the tendencies that you carry within you and the ‘scent’ these have.⁠

A scent that pulls towards you a matching scent on another.

Bully / Victim.

Narcissist / Codependent.

Avoidant / Anxious.

Numb / Explosive..

And the list goes on..

⁠You draw from your environment the kind of traits and behaviours that support your internal narrative.

There’s a story within you that is seeking resolution and it will ensure it finds actors to play their part.

⁠Low self-worth women attract narcissistic guys. ⁠

⁠shame & guilt-ridden men often attract unappreciative, mothering women.⁠

⁠If you have to fight the world to respect your limits, it’s a little too late. ⁠

⁠It’s like the poop fighting off the flies, not paying attention that perhaps they’re coming because it smells so bad..

⁠So when it comes to establishing boundaries, always look within and ask yourself:⁠

What do I get from not having a boundary in this situation / with this person?⁠

⁠And be honest.⁠

⁠You are getting something out of it and until you sort that out, you’ll keep attracting the same kind of nonsense towards you..

No matter how hard you yell. ⁠

How “self-empowered” you assume you are (just because you got angry.)

Or how many “lines” you draw..

⁠Flies will keep circling 💩 until it no longer smells like it.⁠



⁠But I hope you come to my page for truth,

not for solace.⁠

⁠Love you,⁠


Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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