It’s a gift earned by the integrity of your being and the inclusiveness of your actions.

Every word you utter must be kept and honored as sacred..

Every breath you take and effort you make must be in devotion to something greater..

And every part of you must be aligned in the same direction, so there’s no fragmentation.

I have found in my relationship that the more I’ve cleaned up my act, the more my partner has softened and opened up.

I used to point fingers when jealousy or insecurity arose, since I knew I wasn’t crossing any line or doing anything “bad”..

Yet it was not merely about what I was doing but who I was being.

And the man I was being was split inside with doubt, ridden with compulsive desires, enslaved to a distracted, easily controlled mind and an indisciplined body.

The outside was under control but my house was still not in proper order.

Her articulation of her emotions was not clear.

Nothing was happening and she still felt wierd.

For it was the field of the unspoken, the things we don’t communicate and the ways in which our boundaries aren’t fully embodied which creates a transmission of risk and unsafety for the other.

I stand behind all of us being responsible for how we feel…

AND you also have an impact on those closest to you.

An impact you must be conscious about and manage with deep attention and responsibility.

So before demanding your woman opens up or trusts, ask yourself if the field around and within you is one of integrity.

Most likely it is not,

so work on that before assuming it’s her the one with a problem.

It is not easy for anyone to feel safe in a house with shaky foundations.