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It took me years of pain (and resenting others) to understand that the premise of union is separation

November 2, 2023


ONLY because something is in parts, we have a chance at putting it together.

So when it comes to relationships, before we engage in the whole dialogue of attracting & creating a beautiful partnership, we must start with the parts.

We can all agree that each of us has one body..

Yet the body is the harmonious cooperation of seemingly independent parts.

The different organs, fluids, tissues, bone structures, and so on…

A healthy body is made out of healthy parts.

Everything works optimally within it.

A sick body is not when the whole system is a mess, all it takes is for one part to not be working in harmony with the rest for disease and pain to start consuming the whole.

So, in the same way a relationship must start from the union of two healthy parts.

I realized that for a long time I tried to throw myself into the idea of divine, devotional, sacred love.

The unconditional kind of sacrifice towards a more beautiful, greater possibility.

And I crashed over and over…

And I resented some of my previous partners when that “love” was not reciprocated in the ways I expected.

Turns out I had skipped a big part of the journey:

My individuality.

Taking good care of myself.

Learning to understand what I feel, what I need and what I want..

Honouring the lines that would create safe around my heart and having the courage to speak up (and upkeep) my boundaries when required..

Parenting myself in every way.

Becoming a good friend to myself.

Understanding what I like and what I don’t and nourishing a rich, exciting individual life..

Of course, the work is never done.

However, most people rush into their anxious desire to have their relationships work well without them taking good care of themselves first.

You want union rooted in a poor sense of separation.

There’s nothing to sacrifice in the name of love if your life on your own is not something you cherish highly.

For you’ll be using another as a way to hide from your emotions and your loneliness.

Codependency, anxious attachment, jealousy, drama and endless bickering arise.

“You are not making me happy anymore!”

” I don’t like what you are doing!”

The truth is that if on your own you didn’t like what was going on either, and weren’t much happier..

Perhaps it’s not your partner’s fault you feel that way.

I realized that the more I take care of MY PART.

The more that any union I embrace thrives (be it family, relationships or business)

And the more I have neglected doing my own work, taking good care of myself..

The more I’ve placed that weight on others.

Thinking it was them who needed to change,

when all along it was me.

I wanted their love,

yet I was unwilling to provide it to myself first.

And once I started leading with example,

it was so much easier for everyone else to follow.