I felt constantly unfulfilled in my relationships and assumed that it was my partner who needed changing.

Either changing to fit my ideals, or me changing partners to chase someone closer to such ideal.

Someone more spiritual..

More naughty..

More work-oriented..

More open minded..

More _______.

There was a never ending list of qualities that my partners always fell short of..

Until I realized that I had it all twisted.

It was very hard to even consider that perhaps there was nothing wrong with the women I was dating..

And that my own fears of vulnerability, insecurities and unresolved past traumas were creating situations where true love and intimacy could not flourish..

SO MUCH easier to say “there’s something wrong with you!”

Than to admit that it was me who was afraid of connection.

Always simpler to point a finger than to realize it’s us who need to grow into different people if we desire to cultivate healthier, deeper, more sacred love.

My relationships transformed the moment I started taking responsibility and owning my part of the story:

Dated women who were not fully available because it was easier to disconnect and put the blame on them than it was to look at my own shadows and fear of commitment.

Even with my wife, our first year of relationship I spent it looking at all the ways in which I felt she wasn’t good enough (until mother aya gave me a big old dose of humility and a rough reality check)

“You see in the world a projection of that which is yet to be integrated within you..”

In retrospect I’m surprised she put up with me (sorry @tumi.anastasiya )

I used to think the problem was the other, it turns out I’ve been the writer, director and actor of my own stories.

And that’s the beauty of it- that only when you claim your role and embrace 100% responsibility..

You get to decide how the story flows.

Beauty, Bliss & Love ensue.