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I used to think that sex could be casual, only for fun and with zero strings-attached.

July 12, 2023


A mere sharing of a moment through consent and for the joy of it.

I used to believe that as long as respect and care were present in the depths of passion and exploration, it was all good.

That its sole purpose was to experience freedom:

-From an overactive mind,

-From Societal inhibitions

-And Self-imposed limitations.

So for most of my adult life sex was the only vehicle I knew through which I was determined to taste the edges of pleasure, instinct and devotion.

However, in the last 4 years my relationship with it drastically changed.

I now know there’s no such thing as CASUAL sex.

There’s nothing casual about two bodies and their energies merging together..

I saw that what had lasted a few hours, years back, still carried consequences in my present experience.

During some recent ceremonies, I was still vomiting leftovers and energetic debris from past partners.

What I thought was only fun and games was actually nothing short of parasitic – literal visions of larvae leaving my body as I purged.

I saw that my times of “freedom, liberation and carefree exploration” were nothing but well worded and carefully adorned promiscuity.

In the name of love and empowerment lots of people compromise the integrity of their body and energies – and there’s nothing loving or empowering about that…

Like an unhealthy, obese person claiming that their freedom lies in eating whatever they want, while their life suffers. There’s no freedom in compulsion, and no power in actions rooted in ignorance.

I now understand that having sex with someone, although pleasurable, goes far deeper than what most are sensitive enough to realize.

Because when you are so deeply intertwined with someone else, you are exchanging a lot of memory, past & future karma, emotions and thoughts..

Sex in that moment becomes a soup of the ingredients present within you and within him/her.

And here’s the rough one:

Their soup includes all their previous partners’ energies too.

This was something quite confronting: to see firsthand how a big part of my life these years had been -in some way or another- rigged by the unconscious pulls of energies that were not even mine..

And a cathartic, violent, uncomfortable process of scrapping away, cleansing and releasing so that I could return to a clear centre.

A humbling experience, given I was the guy who would strongly advocate for open relationships, sexual exploration and casual bdsm and tantra.. So sharing this feels vulnerable, yet needed.

So.. how to treat sex as sacred while being mindful and aware of the impacts that each person’s energy brings into our experience of life?

How to allow for our animalistic side to find expression and liberation, without doing so out of compulsion and in unconscious ways?

How to embrace our intrinsic humanity as much as our divinity, without sacrificing the integrity of either in the process?

These are questions worth exploring.

Whatever you decide,

Here’s my summed up realization:

Never sleep with someone whose life you wouldn’t want to live..

Whose past you wouldn’t want to carry..

And whose future you wouldn’t want to be a part of.


PS: In my fb group The Circle we explore themes like these in a lot more depth. Join if you’d like to be part of the conversation!