2023 © Nico Canon. All Rights Reserved. Terms and conditions | Privacy policy

I have recently opened up a juicy -yet scary- box of emotions that I didn’t know were present in my heart.

November 7, 2023


I took pride since I was a child in being very stoic, grounded and unperturbed..

My partners were always the emotional ones..

I rarely cried.

I always got sh!t done on my own.

A one-man army who never needed help and was always there to help others.

This last month I’ve come to the difficult realization that part of what I perceived as spiritual and emotional maturity was merely covert avoidance.

It’s not that I was a peaceful, always composed human.

It’s that I had shamed and hidden away many emotions

Growing up in a household where my mom was emotionally volatile; I was afraid of feeling.

And when I felt strong emotions they were never validated.

Especially anger.

So I learned to be “the safe lover”, safe friend, safe business partner..

And by safe I mean repressed.

I never needed anything..

Not because I was spiritually enlightened and needless but because it was scary to need.

I now see the subtle ways in which I said yes when I meant no.

The ways in which I hid my truth just to keep connection.

The ways in which I’ve been accommodating to everyone around me – at the expense of my own heart.

And it’s a scary journey to feel..

and tell the truth..

and see people shocked when I do so..

and soothe myself in the moments that follow.

Yet I trust that only in real and raw foundations, true love, friendship and service can sprout.

So I’ve been cleaning my closet off old skeletons, shaking hands with demons and giving a voice to the unmet emotions and needs I suppressed for decades..

And it’s been equally rough and transforming.

I feel tenderly alive,


and aware.

I feel deeper integration with every difficult word I share with another..

And see the potential for greater love as a result of it.

I’ve started feeling my heart in ways that surprise me and in turn, I’ve seen sides of the world and those around me that I had never seen.

Beautiful and confronting..

Supportive and dismissive..

Welcoming and distant.

I see that in order to be a great Man, I must stop being a good boy.

And in order to love I must risk.

I must feel.

Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

Value. Straight
in your inbox.

Sign up for my email list to receive exclusive
tips, updates, inspiration, and content.
Spam free. Unsubscribe anytime.