Hyperachieving and workaholism are not virtues – they are refined forms to cope with trauma.
If you feel that you need to achieve, do, and “be” more in order to feel okay with yourself…
And if you feel itchy at the thought of spending time without being productive..
Or if you find it challenging to slow down, I invite you to explore why.
There are many layers to this.
First, I bet there was a moment in your childhood when you realized that when you got good grades, came home with a nice drawing, or won some sort of contest – you suddenly felt love and appreciation from your parents flowing to you.
So you learned that love comes when you earn it.
And that if you do not earn it, you do not deserve it.
How is that working for you today?
In relationships, you may be always looking at how much you’re doing, sacrificing, working and compromising for the other (or for the relationship).
So your love is measured in actions, and the love you receive, filtered and weighted – then compared.
So you’re more of an accountant than a lover
Jokes aside, relationships will most likely feel transactional to you – because since your childhood you created the narrative that love is a reward.
Not a birthright.
So you feel that you constantly need to earn your partner’s love
And in the process you close down to the opportunity of being loved just because of who you are.
By others, but most importantly by you.
So you endlessly chase work and achievements to find reasons for you to feel worthy of love…
Yet this will not happen until you are able to sit by yourself, in a moment free from “productive action” and feel deeply appreciative of who you are.
Workaholism is a way of getting busy so you do not have time to pay attention to yourself.
But who are you, when you are not your work or your achievements?
What is underneath that?
You must find out.
Or life will force you to do so.