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August 31, 2023


1- Stop giving advice when someone shares a problem with you.

2- Stop giving free advice altogether.

1- Most people don’t want to be fixed, they want to be heard.

This is particularly accurate for your romantic partner, friends and family.

They’re not confiding in you because they think you’re a therapist/coach/wise person. (Most of them actually don’t care, ask your dog.)

They’re confiding in you because they assume you’re their friend and will listen to them. Key word: LISTEN, not “FIX”.

If you’re an intelligent human being I’d assume that most of your close circles are also full of intelligent human beings. Smart enough to know what they need to do about their specific problem.

Most of the time people are seeking a safe space in which they can be with all of themselves, all of their emotions and all of their inner hearts.. until they are ready to come out of there,

on their own terms.

When you go into fixing mode it’s often because you’re scared and closed off to the emotions that would otherwise arise INSIDE OF YOU if you were to merely stay present to someone you love in their suffering.

Compassion must always precede leadership.

2- If you love the person, results – not knowledge/advice is what you want for them.

People share advice because they like to hear themselves speak.

They love regurgitating “their own” ideas and thoughts out loud and will leverage any opportunity they have to do so.

The truth is that advice is worth NOTHING.

There’s millions of wise blogs written on any topic you may imagine that people could access for free.. and the world still struggles to mature.

It is not knowledge but commitment that has a person take the steps required to experience transformation..

And unfortunately, being in pain is no longer enough of a motivator for people to act.

They value money more than their time/health/relationships, so you charge them money (if they ask for your guidance)

Even if it’s a friend, keep clear boundaries of where your friendship ends and where your work relationship begins..

If you were a contractor you wouldn’t build them a house just for free, so just because the work you do isn’t “physical” in the immediate transaction doesn’t mean that people close to you are entitled to it.

It’s cost you decades of investment, time, effort and practice to hone in the skills required to provide results for others.

You’ve been committed to your journey and it has paid off…

So do not rob others from the gift of making the choice to commit to themselves – and backing that up with the required investment to ensure THEY follow through.

Free advice is often about YOU, not about them.

Results and the invitation for someone to commit to themselves is about THEM.

Unfortunately, this is how people work. You must charge them for their own benefit, rarely someone takes their life seriously for free.

And remember, the world is rarely asking to be fixed.

It is aching to be witnessed.

Do so lovingly!

Not because you’ve found a hammer it means the whole world has turned into a nail.