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A letter, on finding love, to my single friends

November 30, 2023


Dear brother/sister..

If you don’t learn to be single, you won’t know how to be in a relationship.. so slow down and take your time.

Having boundaries is great, having standards is better.. The better you choose, the less work it’ll take..

So choose well.

Explore who you are, what you love and what you don’t.

Travel, pick up some hobbies, volunteer at causes you love and find meaning outside of dating..

Nothing pushes off quality men/women like the scent of desperation and neediness.

And unless you genuinely love your life and whom you’ve become, you’ll be seeking for another to complete you.

Do your work:
Go to the dark, abandoned corners of your psyche and face all the demons that hide beneath your pain..

For if you don’t do so, you’ll date people who reflect and highlight these back to you..

Wounds you don’t heal are wounds that you’ll feel, much deeper, in relationship.

Sort out all that bothers you about your mother and father, the way you were raised and the ways in which they were too involved or absent in painful ways.

For if you ignore your trauma you will inevitably relive it.

Sex is great; Peace is better, Love includes both.

Sex without peace is a symptom of toxic attachment..

Peace without sex is a sign you’ve become roommates..

Find someone whose energy turns you on, and whose maturity makes you feel safe.

Fire without containment always becomes destructive. 🔥

Avoid dating apps..

They are the junk food of connection.

There are exceptions but the coolest, hottest; most amazing single humans I know, wouldn’t bother using them..

Remember that nobody is perfect.

All GREAT relationships require work..

But don’t let that be the excuse you use to justify poor choices..

Work is challenging but it can also be fun, playful, exciting, peaceful and harmonious..

and finally..

The more you focus on becoming a great woman / man, instead of finding one – the faster you will find yourself surrounded by them.

If your want a great partner..
You must become a great partner first..

Lead by example and the universe will follow.