Love in essence is unconditional, but relationships are NOT
Human relationships are conditional by their very nature. Period.
Anyone who tries to force upon you the concept of “unconditional love” is trying to manipulate you.
What they are REALLY trying to say is this:
- I want a relationship without expectations
- I want a relationship without accountability
- I want a relationship without commitment
- I want to treat you in whatever way I want without you saying anything about it
- I want your love, attention and care in spite of every thing I may do to hurt you
So they call you out and demand that you love them unconditionally.
Because if you don’t, then you cannot be together (or it isn’t “spiritual”)
The need for ‘unconditional love’ for a relationship to work is IN ITSELF a condition
So do not be fooled!
It is also one of the go-to excuses in a lot of tantra and open-relationship circles. In there, there is a subtle, implied shaming that happens.
Where if you choose not to engage in promiscuity is because “you still have work to do.”
And manipulation is done under the pretence of spiritual growth, walking ‘the higher road‘ and overcoming insecurities/fears.
I’ve heard it a thousand times, especially men telling women that they want a “divine, sacred union where love is unconditional...
Where freedom is the essence of it and nobody controls or possesses the other.”
Or some nicely adorned bullshit like that
“going with the flow of the moment” is in those cases a synonym for “giving up personal agency over my impulses and compulsions“.
What they’re REALLY trying to say is:
“I want to sleep with you and with other people and I do not want you to even question my motives...
Because if you do, that means YOU have work to do!
Because God forbid I look within myself and see how I may be addicted to pleasure and validation to fill a void that I do not yet understand.”
It is very often the most sacred things the ones used as an excuse to do the worst acts.
Just look at what they have done throughout history in the name of God…
The same is being done with sexuality and the concept of unconditional love.
People treating each other awfully and expecting not to be called out on it.
Letting unchecked, toxic behaviour continue in the name of love is NOT love.
So by all means, never become an accomplice of your own suffering and lose yourself in the process, least of all in the name of love. Regardless of what happens.
This is the truth:
Great relationships are based on conditions.
- Healthy ones.
- Responsibilities and commitment.
And if you still feel that these words mean being limited, restricted or trapped, if you feel that responsibility and commitment rob you of your freedom.
It’s about time you grow up, Peter Pan.
For love is unconditional but relationships are not
(UNLESS it’s the one with your grandma)