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3 tools that do more harm than good in your relationships

November 3, 2023


Spiritual Axioms:

Yes, you are responsible for how you feel and everything in life is your own creation, and we are only mirror of each other blablabla.

That’s true, but only in one layer of reality.

Then there’s this layer that is deeply physical, relational, where boundaries exist, where we don’t experience ourselves as “only one consciousness”, an area where life itself is predicated in being separated from everything outside of us.

Spiritual teachings that lack nuance often turn into bypassing and become the reason someone stays for far too long in a toxic environment.

Don’t play saint unless you have the heart of one.

– Polarity teachings:

To those walking with a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Polarity is incredible in reigniting relationships void of passion and order, however not every problem can be reduced to a matter of masculine and feminine poles.

Sometimes you need to let your inner storms and feminine chaos course through you and find untamed expression through the world, yes.

That will spark a fire within you, and for sure on your partner too..

Do that too often and you will have the emotional regulation of a 3 year old.. and no matter how much your partner is “in his divine masculine”, no self-respecting man wants to play dad, with their wife, for too long.

Focus too much on being the leader, provider, grounded pole at home and you’ll steal your partner’s ability to pitch in with useful contributions, her own ideas and co-direct where the ship is going.

Everything in moderation.

Including moderation.


– Couple’s therapy:

Unless your therapist is happily married, they don’t get it.

If all their theory worked, why hasn’t it worked for them?

Real life experience is far more important than textbook concepts.

Your therapist may be well-intentioned but if they themselves have not walked their talk, their transmission won’t be one of certainty and possibility.

It can be helpful at the cognitive level but you want to be supported by someone who embodies whom you want to be – for that’s what they’ll transmit to you, regardless of the method.