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🌷The 3 Most Difficult Lessons I’ve Learned 2 years into my marriage:(Part 2)

February 10, 2024

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You can’t nag or punish your partner into being a better partner.

In other words:
Your love will do FAR MORE to transform them than your criticism, complaints or passive aggression ever will.

This one was rough for me.

I had a tendency to confuse emotional unavailability for ‘high standards’.

I became extremely good at scanning for, finding and pointing out all of my partner’s flaws.

Back in my late 20’s I had a huge crush on this woman..
She was extremely attractive (and beautiful inside out.)
And I was in heaven when I found out she also had a crush on me.

She was hot, sweet, caring and generous with her heart.

But… I decided not to continue dating her because her hand’s size to height proportion felt off.

🥲😭
Ridiculous right?

We’ll find a thousand excuses not to date someone before admitting that we’re actually afraid of love.

I’d lie to myself saying I was waiting for “the right one.”

Several extremely right and beautiful women showed up at my door- and they were never good enough.

Not fit enough. Not spiritual enough. Not sweet enough..

Easier to point a finger and think they’re the ones not up to our criteria than to realize that the criteria itself is nothing but a shield.

So when I started dating my wife the same pattern came up.

I was set on changing her because she wasn’t “good enough.”
It was tense and ugly..

Until the frustration forced me to ask myself:
If NOTHING ever changed in her would I be okay with that? would I be capable of loving her?”

The answer was Yes.

Her virtues and my love for her were bigger than the perceived flaws.

Turns out that the moment I stopped breathing on her neck, hoping or forcing that she became someone or did something I thought she should..

She had room to actually find AND BE herself.

On her own terms, at her own pace.

The moment I started loving her and appreciating all the beauty she brought to my life was the moment that that beauty multiplied a hundred fold..

And this love became the very fuel that would inspire and nourish her to transform her health, mind and even her finances.

And it transformed me too.

I understood that you can’t make a flower bloom by shouting at it..

Nor by demanding it grows and becoming bitter when it doesn’t.

A flower blooms when her time has come..

The same goes for every human.

🙏🏽