On Relationships: #3 Love Is Not Enough
I used to romanticize relationships. The more love and passion there was, the more it “Had to be it!”.
Several years and experiences later I realized that love is not enough.
Love on its own is a fire.
You can cook incredible meals with it. Melt and create tools. Works of art if you wish!
You can also burn down the whole building and everything with it.
Love and desire are the energies that fuel a relationship. However you should always ask yourself: what is this fuel for? where is this ‘vehicle of love’ taking me?
Because you wouldn’t put logs and coal in a train that’s heading straight off a cliff, would you?
Love is not enough.
When it comes to beautiful, long lasting partnership, you need to be aligned in every way.
Mentally: How do you see the world? Can you have intellectually stimulating conversations or does it feel like a big gap? Do you feel you want a deeper mental stimulation? Do you have similar career and lifestyle goals? if you’re out there creating and transforming the world, while your partner is a couch potato, is a matter of time until she/he starts complaining about your “lack of time” or trying to pull you down to a similar mentality/energy.
Emotionally: How do you deal with conflict? Are you always open to connection and communication while your partner stone-walls and resents? How do you alchemize the unpleasant emotions that will arise? is it compatible with your partner’s way of transmuting those energies? If you stay open hearted while the other person closes down, it’s a sure recipe for pain down the line.
Spiritually: Are you on a path to self-discovery and integration? of expansion? is your partner on the same page or on a totally different note? If you want to do yoga, meditate and drink green smoothies while the other person wants to party and do drugs, you’ll have a tough time relating.
Sexually: How open minded are you? how open minded is your partner? is there affinity when it comes to the realms you’re open to exploring in sex? or is there a mismatch an d it feels frustrating? not having good sexual compatibility always ends up in one of the partners outsourcing their deepest sexual needs elsewhere (sometimes, in a hidden manner).
So these are all important things to consider, beyond the love feelings and mutual attraction.
To sum it up, I have found that the best relationships happen when you’re putting yourself first, and so is your partner. You are taking each other into account, but not at each other’s expense. And you’re fully aligned when it comes to where you see the relationship going.