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On Relationships: #1 You Have to Go First

September 1, 2018



Yes. For a relationship to work, it has to be made of two people who ALWAYS put themselves first. Because, when you’re taking care of your own happiness, joy, health, sense of worthiness, then you no longer hold your partner emotionally hostage for how you feel.

You no longer need them to behave a certain way (under the threat of “hurting you” or “making you sad” if they do something you do not like).

When you are whole. When your self love cup is filled, then you have a chance at sharing that outpour of love with others externally.

Also, when you do not need people to behave a certain way, you give them room and freedom to be who THEY choose to be. And this freedom is both magnetic and revealing.

Because if someone behaves in a way that doesn’t align to your relationship standards, you can choose to walk away.

Jesse Elder says it best: LOVE stands for: “Let Others Voluntarily Evolve”

Here’s where most people get it wrong. Most people try to forcefully change their partners. Most people try to create rules and regulations and a cage around what the other can or can’t do, just so their insecurities, fears and sense of self-worth isn’t triggered a bit.

Funny how we think the solution is to change others, instead of addressing the core issue: that which remains unhealed within us.

The key to a thriving partnership is to have both people whole, and full of self-love. Because only then it will be a relationship based off giving/sharing and not off needing/expecting/demanding.

And remember, you cannot give from an empty container.

So you must always go first ūüôā

Nicolas Canon
Nico Canon is an artist, writer and dating coach. His art and writing are about reclaiming our right to be seduced by our lives and relationships. Through his work he explores the links between people and their deepest and rawest desires, opening up a bridge of self-expression and acceptance.

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