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I felt I would be a hypocrite if I did not share about this, so here we go..

(Btw this is a medium length read so if you’re doom-scrolling, trying to get your next hit of dopameme, don’t even bother.)

Something REALLY BIG happened a couple of weeks ago.

Now before I share, let me give you some context..

I pride myself on living a life of integrity and being truthful..

The last time I said a white lie to my wife I almost threw up.

Literally.

Something within me made me so sick I started sweating and shaking and I knew I had to go back and tell her the truth.. (Even though it was something irrelevant and inconsequential.)

Those who are close to me know they can count on me to speak the truth – even when it is uncomfortable.

Especially when it is..

My mom now knows that although I receive her gifts with so much love.. If she asks me if I like them I’ll be honest with her.

And given that we have a different taste in jewellery and accessories, this made for some very awkward moments between us a few christmas ago 😂

“Nico! You could’ve told mom you liked her gift” my sister said after she found out mom had teared up over my response.

“But that would have been a lie..” I told my sister.. With my own heart breaking as well.

I did not like seeing our mother’s big fluffy heart in pain anymore than she did.

In a world where we’re coddled with softened words, pink glasses and white lies I stand for truth.

It may burn at first, but so does alcohol when disinfecting an infectious wound.

So whether it’s a virtue or a flaw, I’m committed to living a life of Truth.

A life of being TRUE to mySelf, first and foremost.

My Capital ‘S’ Self that is.

So a couple of weeks ago I wrapped up the launch of my recent program “The Language of Men”, having experienced record Webinar attendance and engagement in the promotions leading up to it, growing my FB group and email lists at exponential rates.. (almost doubled over a few weeks.)

For the first time this year I have been stopped in the middle of the street in different cities by strangers who were familiar with my relationship coaching work.

(Some because they followed it and loved it.. Some guys because their wife had sent it to them 😂)

I experienced post after post going viral, have been invited to dozens of podcasts and so much more..

However, in spite of all of this, right after the launch I felt profound grief.

It happened one evening after I delivered a Webinar that went incredibly well…

As soon as I closed my laptop I felt really off.

A turbulent mix of emotions moved throughout my body.

It was the very first time my wife had seen me like this in the past 5 years.

I can often take a couple of deep breaths and instantly regulate my mind and emotions, this time it was different.

It was too intense to manage.

“What’s going on, love?” she asked.

“I don’t know.. Something’s off.” I replied.

I wanted to cry, scream, grieve..

But grieve what?

If it was all going well.

Way better than well!

The next day as I was going through one of Jesse Elder’s lessons he shared something that echoed deeply.

I don’t recall correctly but it was about the importance of our Purpose, Path and Plan to be all aligned..

And when they’re not, we’re bound to feel off..

Purpose being Who we are and why we do what we do..

Path being the vehicle or expression we want to give to our Being..

Plan being the day-to-day granular tasks and single steps where the rubber meets the road.

Something about the way he communicated what it feels like to “be on purpose” highlighted the fact that maybe I was not that clear about this part myself.

So I went to the meditation room and laid down asking God to make it well known to me whether I was on the right path or not.. And if not.. Then what was it?

“What is my purpose?”

“What does my purpose want!?”

“How does the life that I am ache to be expressed?”

I shouted over and over.

Now, I know that our path of evolution is too big and too great to ever fall off it..

Yet I sensed that the coordinates I had set on my GPS were not fully accurate and my body and emotions were starting to tell me so.

So as I meditated on my purpose the insight came up:

“How does a Mango tree know that it is mangoes that he’s here to give?..

It’s all in the seed..

The mangoes, the tree, the finished fruit..

It’s all in the seed.”

Those were the words that came through.

I was left with that, perhaps more confused as I couldn’t see how knowing about trees and fruits had anything to do with my life.

(I’m not the best at riddles, what can I say!)

So I decided to take the next two days off to get to the bottom of this.

And as is our tradition, whenever we have a couple of open days we like to indulge in feel-good movies and heart-warming forms of entertainment with my wife.

We watched a couple of episodes of Avatar and we were also recommended to watch Dune 2, which we loved.

As we came back home, I sat on the sofa to continue reading a book titled “The Ultimate Coach” (written by Amy Hardison about Steve Hardison, a book that has nothing to do with coaching and everything to do with Being.)

As I read one of the chapters I was suddenly overtaken by very strong emotions..

So I made my way to the meditation room to be alone (I didn’t want to freak out my wife who was sitting next to me.)

And once I kneeled by my altar it all exploded…

Those of you who have had profound spiritual experiences, taken psychedelics or have sat with plant medicines before will know VERY WELL what I’m about to share.

In that moment it was as if the very veil of reality had become so thin that the synchronicities were too many to ignore and the source of creation had reached out from the other side..

Like the Creator winking, making itself known through his creation.

Breaking an eternal pact of mystery and silence to intervene…

Extending her loving hand in a moment of despair.

It felt just like that, visions and all.

I felt my heart break in a million pieces as forgotten memories of my childhood started to surface one after the other..

I remembered one of my very first memories as a child laying down on my school’s grass soccer field.

While the other kids played I was immersed in a deep trance staring at a blade of grass for what seemed like eternities.. Consumed by the beauty of life in its ‘simplest’ expressions.

Then another early memory was when -in conversation with my mother- I realised that my experience of reality was 100% of my creation, that everything I thought, saw, heard and felt was being processed within me and that therefore we all had our unique -yet interconnected- worlds.

I grew up thinking this was ‘Duh!’ kind of obvious to everyone else.. So it always shocked me when someone would say “you made me sad” “you hurt me” “you made me angry”..

Not understanding why someone would outsource their god-given gift to decide who & how they wanted to BE.

I recalled that as a kid I’d lock myself in the bedroom after grabbing my dad’s collection of Beethoven’s classical CD pieces.

I’d spend hours and hours listening to classical music and doodling what in retrospect I now recognize were not mere abstract child drawings but sacred geometry..

I remembered being 13 years old when I signed up for an email course on Egyptian esoterism and Gnostic wisdom.

They’d send me an email with word documents with the lessons and when I was ready, I would email them back and they would send a test that I had a few hours to respond to and if I passed, they’d forward me the next module.

I recalled the many months and long hours I spent reciting mantras, practising astral projection, and doing different forms of meditation as a child.

My parents were a bit weirded out when they’d see me out in the street in front of our house in a trance at 4am spinning in circles doing a specific sufi dervish dance.

Our highschool in Colombia was on top of a mountain and I vividly recalled spending the recess asking my friends to take their shoes and socks off, place their feet on the earth and guiding them through a meditation..

All the other kids that walked by and watched probably thought we were losers.

I did not care.

I was only 15 when I looked up the botanical gardens carrying the Ayawaska vine in my city because I wanted to go and see if I could sneak in and sleep next to it..

I remembered the first book I begged my parents to buy me being the Autobiography of a Yogi..

And it then took me a few weeks to pirate a digital version of the Bhagavad Gita in Microsoft Word, in Spanish.

Memory after memory started pouring in, together with a cascade of emotions..

I had just re-membered the seed.

My seed.

I remembered who I was and what I was here to do, before society’s influence, alcohol, hormones, sex and women consumed my teenage years and most of my 20’s.

I saw how my journey as a dating coach began as a quest to figure out my own insecurities around women, lack of self-worth and validation-seeking tendencies..

And I saw that as I had matured -thanks to a lot of inner work and the guidance of spiritual teachers and medicine men- I “upgraded” my role from dating coach to a ‘Sacred Relationships” one.

Same woman, new dress.

In that moment I felt a big shock go up my spine and a very loud and clear inner voice say:

“I am NOT a relationship coach.”

My stomach got tight, my eyes started swelling and my throat tensed up..

And I started sobbing.

And because when it rains it pours, in that exact moment an alarm I had set by mistake earlier that day went off..

The alarm ringtone it played was nothing other than “Krishna’s Flute”

That was the tipping point..

I sobbed harder.

It felt like divine confirmation.

And call me cheesy but I quickly remembered the Avatar episodes and the Dune movie and felt that life was trying to reflect -through every possible mirror- the very dilemma I found myself in.

The deep calling I’d been avoiding.

The deep knowing I’d rejected..

Because “I don’t want to be too woo-woo” you know!

As I cried I saw very clearly how the dating coaching journey started as a quest to feel more of a man myself..

I saw it was a mix of lust, compulsion and curiosity which led me to figure relationships out..

Then I met my wife and matured through the struggles we faced..

But I saw that deep inside, the spiritual path was the silver lining for me.

For me it has never ever been about relationships as much as it has been about truth and freedom.

As the tears kept coming I understood that “the seed” of who I am and what I am here to do had been so clear since my early years.

A conversation with my mother reaffirmed this as she shared with me a “Birthday letter” I’d handwritten back when I was 14, which she had kept in a little box of treasured memories.

This was my birthday wish back then:

“I kneel before the ascended masters and great teachers of the White Lodge and ask that you guide me in this new year to become but an instrument of thy will.

May your guidance polish me and sand down the rigid structures of my mind and ego, the many identities and attachments I’ve built around my emotions and body so that there is nothing left of me, so that I may live and act as a clear channel..”

There’s way more as it was a full letter-sized page.. But you get the point.

My jaw dropped.

I did NOT remember any of this.

I felt as if I was waking up from the haze of a dream that had been going for so long that it had started to seem like it was the real deal.

I noticed my mind’s concerns: “What are people gonna think?” “Who do you think you are?” “What are you going to do with your relationship work & clients?” and so much more..

I noticed my own judgments and fears about embracing what this seed was proposing.

I do not like most self-proclaimed “spiritual” people for they use platitudes and great ideas to hide their frustration towards the physical and their inability to be effective in the world..

In simpler terms, most people I have met who think of themselves as spiritual are woke and broke.

‘Spirituality’ is their crutch.

They lack a backbone and feet on the earth.

Only talk shop.

No embodiment.

No community.

No contribution.

No service.

No leadership.

“Spirituality” in a self-referencing & self-gratifying bubble is nothing but refined narcissism and subtle virtue-signalling..

It makes me want to throw up.

I am clear that true Spiritual growth cannot happen at the expense of what is physical and practical..

For mastery over the physical is a prerequisite if we ever stand a chance at opening up the doors to higher possibilities.

So as I wiped the tears off my face I felt deep relief.

The air smelled more fresh, the colours were more vibrant and I felt more alive than I’ve felt in many, many years! (and if you ask my wife, that means A LOT..)

I felt the freedom and lightness of being that only comes when we stop suppressing our truth.

I felt clear, inspired and in-tune with my heart like never before.

And in the spirit of sharing openly and having a transparent relationship with y’all I figured I’d let you know about this.

There is a part of my heart that breaks as I know many of you were looking forward to doing relationship work together..

Yet I’d be a hypocrite if I talk about love and truth while I betray myself.

I’d be out of integrity if I preach -yet do not practise- vulnerability.

Now, does this mean that I’m going to burn the ships and wipe the slate clean?

No.

Not yet..

But a ‘new’ course has been set and those of you that were here only for the relational tips may find yourselves better served in other circles.

This is me “officially hanging the shoes” as a relationship coach.

Something I NEVER thought I’d do…

But my heart no longer whispers, it shouts.

What comes next is currently brewing..

One thing I know for sure:

It will be much bigger.

Much more powerful.. (as all things that flow in harmony with life often are)

And of greater service than anything else I’ve ever done.

I feel it in my bones.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey.

I look forward to sharing with you what’s next.

🙏🏽
🔥

PS: I’m not one to just dump things and move on.

t feels appropriate to close on an inclusive note.

Even if it doesn’t happen, arrangements to publish a book on relationships are already being made so that my work and expertise does not die with my transition.

These will be my parting gifts to all of you who have supported me through the years.

This industry became a place of nourishment and service, thanks to which today I experience a marriage and depth of love that I never imagined would be possible.

I love you all and I appreciate you if you’ve read this far.

And as I shed my skin and reorient myself to my true north, I hope you’ll find something beautiful, useful and worthy sticking around for in this journey.

I felt like I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t share this and now that I’ve done so it feels like a weight is off my chest.

Like an overdue confession I did not even know I had to make.

Thank you for receiving this with an open heart.

What a wild, beautiful and unpredictable life we live!

Love you,

❤️

Nicolas Canon