Men are not scared of commitment.
They are scared of entrapment, The fastest way for a man to close down, disconnect and distance himself from a relationship is to ensure he feels trapped within it.
Transitioning from soul-mates into cell-mates.
If you look throughout history, men have literally risked their lives and faced the most impossible odds in order to stay committed to that which they felt represented FREEDOM (A political stance, a revolution, a social movement, a spiritual path…).
So when a woman says that men are afraid of commitment, I giggle a little bit.
Men are in fact very commitment-prone.
Masculine structure thrives in the support of community, continuity, loyalty, virtue and integrity. Men WANT to commit.
Just not to anything or anyone.
If you are a feminine woman in a relationship with a masculine man, the more free he feels in your relationship the more devoted he will be to it.
But if you start pushing, forcing, emasculating him into fulfilling your own needs at the expense of his, you will end up with:
- An emasculated, resentful, ready to cheat/leave man.
- Him feeling overwhelmed and leaving.
- This is the most rare… he will understand the dynamic at play and will call you out on it – giving the two of you a last chance to address it before taking a drastic action.
“So… Nico.. .you’re basically just saying we should be quiet, little, good girls and never expect nor demand anything from men and just be there to please him…?“
Doormatting behaviour is just as bad as emasculating behaviour.
However, when you learn to fulfill your own needs internally and through a deeply fulfilling lifestyle, you will realize that there is very little you actually NEED or require from your partner.
This leaves room for appreciating him and seeing him for who he is and what he brings into the relationship.
And in my personal experience, the more a woman demanded, expected and nagged to get out of me – the less I wanted to do and be there for her out of my own volition.
On the other hand, the happier I saw my woman was, the more appreciative she was of every gesture I had, without demands nor expectations – the more I could not think fast enough of what else to do to celebrate the love and appreciation and desire I had for her.
This one may be a bit tricky to embrace if you are used to outsourcing personal power and responsibility (and seeing the other gender as THE problem).
But in essence, it is not any different than the spiritual catch 22:
“If you chase happiness, it will forever elude you…
Yet if you learn to accept it and embrace the flow of the whole spectrum of emotions, you will find yourself not being able to elude being happy.“
With that said, if you feel that your receptivity, radiance, welcoming and appreciative feminine energy is not bringing/inspiring him to show up in a way that you feel met…
You can always leave.
But there’s no drama, no nagging, no tension around unmet expectations, no frustration, no trying to change him or force him to do what does not come natural to him…
As Mark Twain once said:
“If you try and teach a pig to sing..
You will waste your time, and it will annoy the pig.”
Remember that your role is not to mother a boy into becoming an integrated man, Nor it is to control and emasculate a Man into becoming momma’s (your) boy.
The sweet spot is in the middle where through doing your own work, you allow yourself and him to feel FREE.
And from that space, you will receive WAY MORE from any man than you could’ve nagged and complained your way into.