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Here’s how I knew my marriage was heading straight towards an ugly ending (& solving this turned EVERYTHING around)

March 3, 2024

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Here’s how I knew my marriage was heading straight towards an ugly ending (& solving this turned EVERYTHING around)

I had started walking on eggshells around her🥚🥚🥚

Walking on eggshells is one of the first subtle signs that we are heading towards guaranteed divorce / breakup.

Wanna know why?

It means that you don’t feel safe..

It means that you are afraid.

Afraid of rocking the boat..

Afraid of your partner’s emotions..

Afraid of feeling your own..

You’ve entered a pattern you probably know from childhood (especially if you lived with one or more caretaker who was volatile, unpredictable or even abusive.)

You probably accommodated and shrank in order to survive…

Because if daddy’s upset, or mommy’s having a bad day..

The worst thing you could do was to take up space and become a target for their unprocessed stuff.

Meaning that you learned to suppress your needs in order to secure connection.

Now as adults, this part comes out to play when your relationship is starting to prove unsafe..

And guess who is definitely NOT capable of handling a long-term commitment?

A child.

When we walk around on eggshells we’re actually stuffing down everything that we can and suppressing it in the hopes of things getting better..

But they won’t.

We will explode and cause a bigger mess..

Or fuse out and walk away.

Now here’s the tricky part:

As children, we did nothing in order to deserve being raised in an unsafe environment.

Yet as adults, we play a role.

There are ways in which we communicate, words we use, mannerism and forms of carrying ourselves that evoke the tyrant in our partner.

Unconsciously, that is.

Every time I found myself walking around on eggshells with my wife I resented her..

Yet every single time I could trace it back to my own fears of speaking up and confusion about what to speak up about, in a way that it would hopefully be received and acknowledged..

Most people don’t share how they feel because they don’t know where to start..

Or how much to share..

Do I let it out authentically?

Scream and cry and feel all of it in the process?

Or do I go at it surgically, like a non-violent communication coach, dissecting my every word and examining mine and my partner’s every silence?

None really work.

So what does?

Well, kind of a long topic for a mere post.