A blog a day while away –
I realize that I have not written much this year, if at all.
So for each of the upcoming days I will pour my mind out until I am back in Toronto.
Sitting with a glass of water by my laptop on the airplane tray on my way to Warsaw, I can’t help but notice the screen of the older man beside me.
He’s in his 70s and for the past few hours he has been going through hundreds and hundreds of pictures of what seems to be farms, nature and landscapes of previous trips.
And the sight is both beautiful and melancholic.
I’m reminded of the beauty of cherishing every moment.
Seeing him look back, picture by picture, makes me wonder what he feels. Is he reliving pleasurable moments from his travels? is he missing a better time? does he stop to think he wished he was THERE instead of taking the picture? Did he want to feel more and capture less? is he happy? is he sad? does he look back because there’s nothing to look forward to?
Perhaps he’s just bored since there’s no wifi on the plane, for all I know.
In my past years I always aimed to live life on my terms. I go first, everything else second, was my approach. If there was a place I wanted to visit, an experience I wanted to have, something I wanted to try, there would be nothing that would stand on my way. And it was beautiful! I travelled around the world, meeting and connecting with the most fascinating people you’d find. Drinking in marvellous landscapes and copious amounts of wine. Exploring the edges of everything that felt right, and a lot of things that were ‘wrong’.
As I look back, like the old man at his photos of european farms, I’m both happy and sad.
Happy of everything I have lived and explored.
Sad that, at times, I was not mindful of the impact I had around me.
I saw deep, loving connections crumble down at countless airports. I saw friendships get forgotten and abandoned. I saw broken hearts, unmet expectations and destroyed dreams.
I realized that the fire that burns within us and fuels our deepest desires and passions, also has the capacity to burn and destroy that which gets on its path.
And for that I am grateful, for I burn with more intensity than I ever did, and I destroyed more than I would like to admit, yet I felt it ALL.
I may not have a collection of farm photos to look back on, yet there’s a lot of fire and ashes I constantly stare at within my own heart. Bright beautiful unforgettable memories. And some painful ones. Yet both serve the same purpose: To pave a better way forward. To inspire me to burn brighter, yet also more lovingly. To live more fully, without forgetting the other in the process.
To love with strength and compassion.
To embrace the unstoppable, wild flame within AND to be the soothing, warm, healing and guiding fire to those around me when needed.
And as the old man, to never stop visiting new lands, yet being fully conscious and present while there.