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As I opened up Facebook to write a post appreciating my wife I stumbled upon this message on my inbox:


“Hey Nico.. If a man is the one that offers security and financial strength, what does a woman offer in the relationship? I feel confused as I have always been more in my masculine energy…”

So let’s kill two birds with one stone shall we?

I spent the past 22 days going through “Arpanam Sadhana”, a set of daily practices and guidelines from the bhakti-yoga lineage (The Yoga of intensity, profoundness and exuberance of emotion.)

In simpler words: a 3 week journey to FEEL deeper and better.

The recommendations were:

– To wear white the whole time

– To eat only twice a day (no snacking) with the first meal after 12

– To shower twice a day

– To break the fast with specific herbal mixtures & only eat plant based foods

– To do 1.5 – 2hrs of daily meditation, chants and postures

Today during the culmination of this journey

I felt blissed out.

My heart throbbing with aliveness and joy!

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud because my wife was working in the next room.

I sang and played and allowed myself to feel fully.

And it dawned on me!

As a man who thrives on being focused, committed, structured and disciplined..

Being always “go, go, go!”

I NEEDED to slow down..

To learn to flow..

To enjoy the journey..

Not just rush to the peak.

That is the gift of the feminine.

I went through a rigorous 22 day process just to spend a few minutes every day in the sweetness of intense emotions.

For masculine men it takes serious work to put their planning, goal-oriented mind aside and let ourselves explore sensations, feelings and the present moment.

I know many men that fear that if they were to touch their heart they’d lose their edge, so they hide their fear behind extreme beliefs of “Being a Masculine Macho Man.”

You know?

The Andrew Tate kind of guys.

I used to fear it too.

I thought being in touch with my feminine made me less of a man.

But in truth, it makes me a more balanced man.

A solid man.

In all the meanings of the word.

I had a weekend full of work planned:

Can’t waste time! Gotta be productive and useful!

And after today’s session I felt so good that nothing else was needed in that moment.

Life was complete.

Life was worth living as it was.

Life was worth enjoying.

It was good enough, in its never-quite-perfect state.

I was good enough.

That was deeply freeing because when I looked at my weekend plans I saw a man -so fixated on reaching a goal fast- he never stopped to look around and wonder “why the rush?”

I’m grateful to have made choices that allow me to work only if I want to and whenever I want to, for as long as I want to…

And yet, there I was working all the time, whether I wanted or not, for far longer than I wanted 😩😅

And I know many of you reading this are on the same boat.

My wife is the opposite.

She will wake up and spend 30 minutes making herself the most delicious macadamia nut, dates, banana, berries and greens smoothie…

Grab a book and watch the sunrise as she sips off her cocktail.

She is the one to smell the flowers and feed the homeless when we walk down the street..

To giggle over the smallest gestures and cry over the simplest things.

For far too long I’d judged her as being too emotional, too volatile, too extreme in her expressions, too sensitive.

Somehow I expected her to be some kind of a stoic man with boobs?

Who knows but as years have passed I now cherish how different we are.

What’s the contribution of the flowers a gardener has so diligently watered and cared for and protected over the years?

What could they give him back, if not their beauty, their bloom and their sweet fragrance?

Is that not good enough?

I’m seriously asking you..

Or do we need for a flower to pitch in half the water, half the soil and half the effort – just so.. you know? it’s fair!

Fair is the killer of Love.

Beauty and life do not happen in the realm of “Fair”.

They happen in the realm of movement, of aliveness and grace.

My wife’s presence and radiance is her greatest contribution to me.

A feminine woman’s greatest gift to a masculine man is her energy.

For men are nourished and revitalized -quite literally- in the presence of a TRULY feminine woman.

It’s like being out in nature…

It does something to you.

It touches you where nothing and no-one else does..

And asks for nothing in return..

Just that you protect and care for it.

I may be the one that provides the majority of our income, pays for trips and ‘nice things’..

I make it possible,

But SHE makes it worth it.

I can build a house..

But she brings the feeling of home.

I can create a sacred space..

But she is the magic.

Could I feel great on my own?


Could she lift heavy bags and pay all her bills on her own?


It’s not a question of being crippled, but one of being cared for.

We nourish each other not because there’s something wrong with them…

But because there’s a lot that is right with us.

Being in connection with my heart makes me a better man, and I’m fortunate to be with a woman whose presence constantly brings me back.

That’s a gift I’ll never be able to pay back.