I am closer and closer home..
And I don’t mean the land or the place where I keep “my stuff.”
I flew around the globe a few times trying to find an elusive sense of fulfillment..
Only to face myself once again in the mirror, miserable, as soon the dopamine rushes had settled and the night highs had come down..
I wanted to fit in so bad, to be respected by men and loved by women..
Yet I did not respect nor love myself.
Today, as I look out the window I feel complete.
I could die a free man and with my head high..
But not because I earned something or achieved some arbitrary success marker…
But because I feel deep in my soul there’s NOTHING I need.
Nothing life could offer me that would have me sacrifice the way I feel within… (and much has been offered.)
I feel the peace and joy of someone with lots of dreams and very few attachments.
I would love to create so much in this life..
To be of greater service..
To do, share, teach and guide..
At a substantially bigger scale..
And I’m also okay if it all were to end right now.
Today I feel grateful for my guru, my elder, ancestors, family and friends along the path..
I bow to nature’s medicines and the grace of God that reaches us through them.
And I say thanks!
For I don’t recognize myself anymore.
And that to me,
is the greatest freedom of them all.
To look within and feel empty.
Not because something is missing
but because nothing, anymore, is lacking.