I had an experience that took months of being in nature to ‘come back from.’
I feel that -outside of my birth and death- it was the most significant event of my life.
It was the first time I’d touch a dimension I later learned was referred to as Samadhi in the yogic traditions.
I had drank medicine many times but in this particular night I felt it in my bones that something was going to be different..
I even told myself, half-jokingly, in front of the mirror when getting ready “If we die we come back, Nico.”
Words that came out of nowhere and for no reason, yet I now see those were the last words of an identity dying to keep living, sensing the unavoidable moment of dissolution that was about to unfold.
That night I died.
I saw my life on fast forward, the age, place and manner in which I would die, the people next to me, all of it.
I saw a lot of my karmic substance burn at a tortuous speed..
Everything I considered myself to be, everything I liked and disliked, the people I called “mine”, it all went up in flames in front of my eyes..
Until there was Nothing left.
& I touched the truth of who I AM.
I remember for weeks, after that night, looking in the mirror and not recognizing who I saw.
As if the Nico I used to be had just been evicted, and a wiser Self had just taken over my body.
Those who knew me saw a drastic shift in me, my priorities, my taste, my diet and even the physical structure of my face and body.
Something took over and rearranged everything around it.
Now I see that what died was the carefully curated identity I thought was “me”, and what was left was Life itself, flowing powerfully, freely and loudly within.
I did not know who I was or what I liked for weeks, yet this felt quite freeing – and the feeling accompanies me to this day.
I was fortunate to be in sacred land and invited to help the community with physical labour, so we chopped wood and carried water, quite literally.
This day was the end of the illusion for me, and the moment I made two specific commitments to the source of creation.
The rest of my life, is my attempt to fulfill on those promises.
Back then I was convinced I’d go crazy, given the intensity of what I felt throbbing within me.
(and how silent my mind felt)
I was unaware of how I’d keep my body for much longer..
At one point I even gave my sisters instructions of what to do if certain things happened with me, so that my family wouldn’t panic.
Fortunately I was supported in grounding myself fully.
Today I celebrate this day as well as my friends, mentors and guru who made it all possible.
This is the day I was born to a very different possibility of life..
A spiritual birthday of sorts!😅
So, while I know most of you may think this is wacky or woo-woo, it’s a truth I’m becoming more and more open about.
The work that I’m here to do in the coming decade requires full openness and trust, from me to those I get to serve, and the other way around.
So this is me being vulnerable and transparent, beyond my usual “logical, sound approach.”
Thank you for being a part of my journey and for reading this.
I see you ♥️🙏🏼