🌷The 3 Most Difficult Lessons I’ve learned 2 years into my marriage: (Part 1)
1- A conscious relationship takes A LOT of work,
yet it should not feel like work.
This is a big one that I used to confuse back in my dating life..
I’d think “great things in life take effort” and then jump head-first into swamps of toxicity, justifying the pain and chaos through a false sense of martyrdom.
Feeling like a righteous, compassionate, loving white knight when in reality I was nothing short of a codependent, afraid, emotionally closed-off doormat.
“Sticking through it” is not a sign of relational health.
Getting through it is.
Noticing tangible, consistent and reliable improvement.
Even a round peg fits into a square hole if you force it violently enough..
But the process destroys both at their core.
A conscious relationship takes a lot of -INNER- work
Yet relationally, it should feel stable, safe and supportive of growth.
I realized marriage takes a lot of self-inquiry:
“Did I fall asleep at the wheel? How?”
“Is there a chance that her complaint speaks to something I’m not willing to see?”
“Could it be that this emotion is about myself and not about her actions?”
“How is this feeling familiar? Is this really about us or is this about my unprocessed trauma”
It demands so much..
Moment by moment awareness.
Disciplined thought, emotion and action.
These take A LOT of work and energy.
Yet any spiritual path does..
And if you’re doing your relationship right, it is a bridge towards spiritual liberation.
Now, if you think the work a relationship requires looks like:
Violence of any kind.
& cycles of pain and make-up sex..
Your relationship doesn’t work.
You’re just trying to make it work.
I’ve learned two years into marriage that the more responsibility I take, the better it gets.
The more I work on myself (and her on herself)
The less work it all takes.