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❤️‍🔥The 3 Most Difficult Lessons I’ve Learned 2 years into my marriage:(Pt.3)

February 11, 2024

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My woman is my greatest mirror.

She can be the most beautiful blooming rose.
Or the most putrid smell, stagnant waters, weeds and rottenness..

I am the gardener of my relationship and of her heart.

I used to think we’re only responsible for our part in the relationship.

I do mine, you do yours and it will work out

And there’s truth to it

But it’s far more complex than that!

We’re deeply interconnected 🪬

Especially when there’s sex involved a huge exchange of energy and memory happens.

So what we do matters, relationally.

For example:

I used to resent how insecure she was when we started dating..

Which suddenly stopped once I was willing to look at how I kept certain doors open with past lovers and engaged in subtle “innocent” flirtation with women (that she did not know about)

At one point I resented how masculine, closed off and harsh she had become..

Unaware that I had stopped leading and she was picking up my slack

I’ve encountered this SO many times that I now know:

She’s the barometer to my consciousness.

She reflects the state of my awareness.

She can be beauty, bliss, passion
chaos, damnation & destruction.

A beauty at times
A villain at others..

And I’ve gotten great at noticing how most of it could be traced back to me.

The seeds I planted
through my words, actions and even my thoughts.

This is hard because I thought that a good relationship meant both people were taking full responsibility (only)for themselves.

Yet I now see that a great marriage requires we take full responsibility for one another.

That we commit to becoming great gardeners of each other’s heart..

Protectors of each other’s nervous systems..

Guardians of the sacred bond we share,
especially against mediocrity.

More than lovers, I have learned that to have a beautiful relationship..

We must become Allies.

We must let go of the toxic narratives of hyper-independence we were sold and learn to be inter-dependent.

The way nature intended.

This is the hardest work I’ve ever done..
Yet I’ve started to see the fruits of planting such seeds.

& I wish one day you get to do so too.